Treacherous
by RhiHubbard
Summary: District Attorney Rowan Davenport has transformed her life into what others only wish they could do. But when she is brought back to Charming she can either help SAMCRO or watch her old life crumble before her.
1. DA

**Hey guys! This is my first chapter to a story that has been brewing in my head. I don't own any of the characters as they belong to the talented Kurt Sutter. Enjoy**

* * *

Pregnant

"Fuck," I mumbled to myself as this one word stared back at me plain as day. "Fucking shit."

I decided not to dwell as I placed the test back in the box and threw it in my oversized bag. There was always time to take another later in the day. This one was obviously defective. I zipped up my pants, washed my hands, and stared at my reflection. I had to buy another test.

"Miss. Davenport? Is everything okay in there?"

C_an't a woman use the damn bathroom?_ I thought as I grabbed a paper towel, dried my hands, and threw it in the garbage. I opened the bathroom door and stared up at a fellow officer, Earl Cummings, a real rag tag who was always in everyone's business…Including mine.

"Can I help you Officer Cummings?"

Earl smirked down at me before he said, "Just checking on ya Miss. Davenport. I have to do my job."

"You want to do your job? How about you go get me a coffee?"

Cummings' smile dropped as he looked around the office, surprised by my request, and hoping that another officer would walk in to save him. But Cummings never seemed to remember who he was messing with. I held true power in this district and I was not going to let some horny police officer stop me from getting to the root of a crime and putting an end to what I could.

"Is this a joke?"

"Do I look like I'm joking Officer Cummings?" I asked him as I rolled up the sleeves to my blouse. I placed my hands on my hips and waited for his response. "Did I stutter Officer?"

"No," he declared. "I got it."

Cummings walked out of the room and I was left alone in the makeshift office I was using in the local police department of Adelaide. I plopped down in my chair, putting my bag next to me, and stared down at the mess of files in front of me. It had been a week to the day that a young boy walked into a crowded Adelaide shopping center and opened fire. He killed seven before taking his own life and with no real leads and a case of plausible concern the District Attorney was called; and here I was. Adelaide was a small town and people were beginning to ask questions and I had to come up with some answers.

The phone rang on the table and I picked it up. "Yes?"

"Miss. Davenport, Johnny O'Neil's mother is here to see you."

"Send her in."

Two minutes later I was staring at the woman whose son took the lives of people who never saw it coming. She looked like a wreck as I gestured for her to take a seat. Cummings had come back into the room bringing two cups of coffee before he left without saying a word.

"Ms. O'Neil, I can't imagine what you've been through."

She did not look at me as she held the coffee cup in her hands. "I've never been so lost in my life. Johnny was a good boy…I had no idea he could do such a thing."

"I don't think any of us think our children can commit horrific acts, Ms. O'Neil."

She nodded. "The gun he used…I think I know where he got it."

Now they were getting somewhere. "Continue, please."

"My boyfriend, well my ex-boyfriend, he had a few guns in his house. I assumed they were all licensed. I had Johnny over a few times but he must have seen and grabbed one. I barely noticed the guns but Johnny always had a keen eye. I just never had reason to think that there was anything going on with my son."

I tried not to judge the woman sitting in front of me even though I so badly wanted to. "Why are you finally sharing this?"

"I knew Donnie, my ex, was involved in something but I had no idea what. He threatened to kill me before he skipped out of town. I haven't seen him since. I just…I saw all the stuff on the news about trying to find where the gun came from. It was Donnie…you know I don't own a gun."

It was true. All the background checks they did on Ms. O'Neil came back clean. She paid her taxes, worked as a waitress, and gave no one around her the slightest hesitation that she was doing anything illegal. It had been the topic of the whole shooting. Ms. O'Neil had said she had no idea where the gun came from and when they ran the registration number it was to a Bryan Kelly who was killed four years ago. If this 'Donnie' had the gun which Johnny used to murder all those people it ran a lot deeper than just a gun lying around a house…It was time to really look what was going on. Yet I kept the thought in my mind that maybe Ms. O'Neil was trying to save her own ass by blaming someone else.

"You did the right thing by coming here and sharing this with me. Do you have any idea where Donnie would go? Did you ever meet any of his friends?"

"No…We met at the grocery store a couple months back. He was just some fling I had going on. I really didn't know too much about his personal life."

I still tried not to judge. "Ms. O'Neil, I'm going to have you talk with a fellow officer and I need you to tell him everything you know. Don't you dare leave anything out this time, okay?"

She nodded her head profusely. "I'm so sorry…I really am."

I walked towards the door and called, "Officer Stein, my office please."

Officer Stein jumped up from his desk and met me at the door. I had grown to like Officer Stein over my week stay so far in Adelaide. He was a hard worker and easy with words. I knew Ms. O'Neil would feel comfortable talking to him which I needed if she was going to get anywhere with telling the whole truth.

"Take Ms. O'Neil over to your desk. She has some things she would like to share with you. Get Detective Benson as well. I want her statement as soon as possible."

"You got it Miss. Davenport," he said before escorting the woman out of my office.

I closed the door behind them and picked up the phone. I called the front desk to speak with the secretary, Jennifer.

"What can I help you with?"

"Jennifer, I need to step out for the rest of the evening. Something personal has come up…If I get any calls or visitors please let them know that."

"I have it all under control."

I hung up, grabbed my things, and took a quick stop at the Chief Latham's office. I didn't really need to give anyone an excuse as to why I was leaving but I figured since I was in his town he deserved the right to know.

"What can I help you with Miss. Davenport?" Chief Latham asked as I stepped into his office. "I see Johnny O'Neil's mother is here."

"I think you'll take some liking to what she has to say. Apparently the ex-boyfriend had guns in the house and that was where Johnny got it from."

"Even though the gun registration came up as a complete dead end?"

"I don't think it's a complete dead end. I have some things I need to take care of and I won't be in until late tomorrow."

Chief Latham eyed me curiously. "Is it something I can help you with?"

"No, I just need to follow up on something."

"Where are you headed? I can send an Officer with you just to be safe."

"Oh that won't be necessary…And Charming. I'm heading to Charming."


	2. Charming

Even as the sign welcomed me into Charming, California all I could think of was how unwelcome I was. It had taken me almost an hour from Adelaide and with every road I passed I felt more and more sick. I could begin to smell the smoke in my nose and how my outfit was out of place. How everything about who I had become over the last nine years was an idea of what people in Charming wished for themselves but never went out and did. I was the success story. Young girl, goes to college, then law school, elected as District Attorney at twenty-seven, single, attractive, and has money. I was one of the few who ever got out. And I was still paying the price for skipping town.

I neared the repair shop, Teller-Morrow, and thought back to the research I had done over the years and the recent news of Charming. Folks were getting scared of the havoc that had been currently destroying the town and I knew where it all stemmed from because once upon a time I was in on it too.

I pulled into TM and parked my car. I took a deep breath putting my District Attorney attitude on as I stepped out and headed for the clubhouse doors. The place was empty and I immediately was surprised by a pair of arms wrapping around me.

"Jesus, is this really you?"

I knew those head tattoos anywhere. "Juice, hey, how are you?"

He stepped back, eyeing me up and down. "My fucking God, you look sexy as hell. You're some big shot now, right?"

I eyed him quizzically. "I'm a District Attorney. If you want to call it a big shot that is fine with me."

He smiled. "God, I've missed you." But then it was like he suddenly realized that a District Attorney was standing in a room where illegal decisions were made and blood had been shed. Even Juice knew this was not a welcome home party and he slowly stepped back.

"You're not in trouble, at least not yet," I assured him.

"Juicy boy, what's all the yapping about?" A voice was heard from inside the chapel, where all those illegal decisions were made, and Clay Morrow appeared at the door.

He took one look at me before walking back into the chapel. I half smiled at Juice before I walked toward the chapel doors. I closed them behind me.

"What do you want Rowan?"

"Are you still selling guns?"

Clay looked at me and smirked. "No, we're not."

"Oh don't bullshit me. There have been plenty of times I could have gotten someone down here to pin all of you. Now answer me, are you still selling guns?"

"What's it to ya?"

I sighed before pulling out a chair and taking a seat. "I don't know if you've heard but a young boy pulled out a gun in an Adelaide shopping center and killed eight including himself." I glanced over at Clay. "He used an AK-47…It was registered to a Bryan Kelly, a dead guy."

"Sweetheart, check the Internet. You can get a gun anywhere these days…I'm surprised that the mother was smart enough to use a fake name," Clay said with a roll of his eyes.

"Unlike Charming, Adelaide is a safe town. I have reason to believe that the gun came from a surrounding town maybe even as far as Charming."

Clay glared at me. "What do you want me to do?"

"I need you to figure out where the gun came from. Figure out who is registering these guns under Bryan Kelly."

"And if I don't?"

"I pin it on the Sons. I've got the information. It would take less than a day for all of you to be in prison."

"Look, right now we are just selling to the Irish and you and I both know they are too smart to keep the guns. I don't know what they do after that."

"So find out."

"And again I ask, why the fuck would I help you?"

"Because I can get them all out of jail."

I had gotten Clay's full attention. "Excuse me?"

"Damon Pope but them in there right? I've been dealing with him for the past three years. The guy knows what he's doing, but I'm better. You tell me the guys who put the gun in that little boys hand so I can put the town of Adelaide at peace and I'll get Jax and the rest of them out of Stockton."

"Oh yeah and how are you going to do that Miss. District Attorney?"

I stood up and pushed my chair in. "I have my ways. Either you help me and they get out of Stockton…Or not too long from now you'll be joining them. I'll let you decide. I'm here until tomorrow."

And then I was gone.

* * *

The second, third, and fourth pregnancy test I had used had all the same result. I was fucked and I wondered how I was going to get out of this one. I got ready for the day as I heard the familiar sound of motorcycles outside my hotel room.

I opened the door as Clay and Juice parked their bikes and headed towards me.

"Small town," Clay began. "Hope we didn't scare ya."

"You'll have to do a lot more than show up to my hotel room to scare me," I stated. "Have you thought about my offer?"

"Yeah, I have. And the answer is no."

I was surprised by his response. I thought for sure Clay would take any chance to get the rest of SAMCRO out of Stockton. I was just going to have to try harder. I needed to find out something.

"Why not?"

"Look kid, there is a lot of shit going on right now and I don't need you to come waltzing in to my town and threatening me. What the Irish do after they get the guns is up to them. I'm not fucking up what SAMCRO has with them so you can be the hero. Go find someone else to do your dirty work."

"I thought you were cool with the Irish. They like you Clay. I don't have to be the one to tell you that."

Clay stepped towards me but I did not flinch. Juice took a step toward me as well but I had a feeling he was on my side.

"Get out of Charming, Rowan."

"It's a shame things had to come to this."

"And it's a shame I don't get to put a bullet through your head."

"Whoa, whoa, Clay," Juice began but I cut him off.

"Juice, its fine. I guess I've just realized some things never change."

Clay looked at me. "Sorry to disappoint."

A few minutes later Clay and Juice were on their bikes and zipped out of the parking lot. My heart was racing as I packed up my things and headed for my car. It was time to go to Stockton.

It didn't take me long to get what I needed at Stockton. Before I knew it I was being escorted down a hallway to the visitor's room. There were some inmates but the one I was looking for was in the far right corner.

"Well look at you," Opie Winston said as he stood up to greet me. "Looking beautiful as always sis."

"And you're not looking so bad yourself," I replied and gave him a quick hug. "How is everything in here?"

Opie shrugged. "We're making it work. It's weird seeing you here."

"It's weird being here."

"So what do I owe this great pleasure?"

"I want to get you guys out." Opie's jaw dropped slightly. "But I need some help."

"I should have known this wasn't just a sibling visit," Opie said. "Of course you need something."

"Opie, don't start. Look, there was a shooting in Adelaide…A little kid, used an AK-47, registration was under a false name. The mother has reason to believe that her ex was involved in illegal activity. I tried talking with Clay to set up an offer. If he found out where the gun came from I would get you and the rest of the guys out of Stockton."

"I'm sure it was the Irish."

"You really think it was the Irish?"

Opie shrugged. "It's a lost cause, Rowan. Pope will never let us out of here." He leaned closer to me. "He struck a deal with Jax. One of us has to go before Pope even considers letting the rest go."

"I won't let that happen."

"I love your positive attitude, Rowan, but it's Damon Pope. Even Jax has no idea what to do."

"I'll talk to Pope."

"Are you fucking insane? He'll have you shot before you can speak a word."

"If I talk to Pope, you need to see if you can ask around and maybe find something out about who the Irish give their guns to. Maybe you can try and get Clay to reconsider. The quicker I have some sort of lead the quicker I can get you guys out of here where there will be no blood for blood."

Opie leaned back against his chair. It was weird seeing him in his orange jumpsuit. When Opie and I were growing up we were the best of friends, with Jax always tagging along. As years passed and Opie started getting involved in SAMCRO, with our father being one of the essential creators, our relationship slowly began to fade to nothing. When I graduated high school, I left town with everything I had saved up, and started my new life. I changed my last name and with the help of some very important people I was able to rid SAMCRO out of my entire life. As far as anyone knew, I was Rowan Davenport, a girl who was in and out of foster care who eventually found a home and became the success story.

Even though this was my first time back in Charming, I wasn't happy to see anyone. I wasn't kidding when I left town nine years ago. I haven't been back. I haven't wanted to come back. I haven't wanted to see anyone, including my brother and father. The lifestyle they live is the one I try to stop. Even though I loved my family I also had new family in the life I had created by being the good girl. I knew my father disliked me and Opie and Jax had spent a great part of a year trying to find me after I left town. But I was a girl who didn't want to be found.

"It's been nine years Rowan," he began. "You caused a lot of up roar when you left."

"Exactly, it's been nine years."

"Did you even go to see Pop?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's a lost cause," I said, taking his very words he used from before.

"Rowan, I want to help, I do. But right now with the club in such shitty standards it would be too hard. Damon Pope has been on our ass for months now. It's real sad about what happened in Adelaide but I can't do much for you sitting in here." One of the guards shouted that we had two minutes left. "You know who will help you. You just have to make it something you want to fight for."

I knew he was right because he was Opie, he was my brother, and I hated seeing him sitting before me in a place he didn't belong. "I'll try to get you guys out."

"Don't get killed over it."

"You forgot, Opie, I am a big shot now."

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**Hey y'all! Hope you like it so far! Feel free to leave any reviews, I would love to have your opinions about where everything should go. And don't worry, Jax and the whole gang will be in it real soon! **


	3. Home

**WOW! Thank you so much for all the reviews, follows and favorites. It means so much to me! I hope this chapter does not disappoint. **

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"Davenport."

"Rowan, its Chief Latham. I'm sorry to bother you but we have a situation."

I tried not to sigh too loudly as I pulled the phone away from my ear and put my head in my hands. I could not take another problem especially one that I knew was probably inevitable.

"What's going on?" I asked as I stared up at the Stockton prison knowing my brother was in there and I was going to have to go to great lengths to get him out. Damon Pope was not any easy guy to negotiate with.

"We just got a call. Johnny O'Neil's mother was found dead inside her apartment…An apparent suicide."

_This is fucking wonderful _I thought as I opened my car door and got in. "What else can you tell me?"

"I'm on my way there now, heard the scene is pretty gruesome."

"Are we sure it's a suicide?"

"It's what my officers are saying. I'll know more when I get there. I figured you'd want to come out too."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

I hung up my phone and drove back to Charming. I passed Teller-Morrow and didn't see the particular motorcycle I was looking for so I kept driving. When I pulled up to my childhood home I felt like vomiting. I slowly got out and headed for the front door. I knocked twice and thought about leaving more than once. Finally, the door opened and I was staring at my father through his screen door.

I stood there as I pushed my sunglasses on the top of my head. I was sure Clay had probably tipped him off that I was in town but even I was truly surprised that I was here.

"What ya just gonna stand there?" My father asked me. "Grab the paper, would ya?"

He started to walk off and I quickly grabbed the paper off the porch and followed him inside. I placed the paper on the table by the front door and took in my surroundings. The house looked exactly the same as how I'd left it and I found my father sitting at his dining room table. I debated on whether or not to sit down with him but he decided that for me when he kicked the chair next to him with his foot.

"The least you could do is sit down."

"Yeah, yeah, of course," I replied.

I placed my bag on the table and let out a breath. It was strange being in his presence because I knew how much of a ruckus I caused when I left town. I never blamed my father for anything that happened in my life but as I grew older I knew there was much more for me outside of Charming. I had an OK relationship with my father and when my mother left him she only took Opie, who was 16 at the time, while I was 13. I liked to tell myself that she thought Opie needed to leave Charming so SAMCRO never became his life since she knew it would never become mine. Or maybe she just didn't care about me as much as she did Opie. Opie was her first born while I was more of a surprise baby. When I was nine I remember Opie telling me that our parents never wanted me and they would have gotten rid of me if they could. But that was just Opie talking and Opie talked a big game when we were kids.

My father and I became close the year that Opie was gone, or at least as close as my father could be as he was dealing with a now teenage daughter. Clay's wife, Gemma, helped me most of the time with any girl issues I dealt with along with her best friend, Luann. Gemma and Luann were the closest things I had to a mother figure and I was grateful for them. They were helping me with things that my mother had become absent for and I grew a huge resentment towards her even though I prayed she would come back to me. Then Opie came back and my mother didn't and I felt even more lost and confused with issues in my life that not even Gemma or Luann could help me. And every day I woke up with my father and brother missing and I thought that maybe my father didn't care about me as much as I thought he did.

When I turned 16 I started to hang out around the clubhouse since my father didn't like me being home alone now that both he and Opie were staying around TM for long periods of time. I had gotten friendly with most of the SAMCRO members and learned about things that I still don't know how I feel about and everyone was positive that Jax and I would end up together. Yet no one knew how fake I was, and the lies I told, and how all of them thought I would become someone's old lady, and that Piney Winston would have both of his children apart of the club he created…But I changed it…I left.

"How you've been?" He asked me as he pulled out a cigarette and began to crush it in his hands.

"I've been good. How have you been?"

"I'm not dying anytime soon."

"That's always good."

We sat in silence for a moment as he reached in the pack, pulled out another cigarette and offered it to me. I declined.

"What do you do?" He asked me but I gave him a look. I knew he knew what I did for a living. It would shock me if he didn't. SAMCRO could find out anything even though I made it slightly more difficult. It was only a matter of time before they would find out about me and I had to pray that my father and brother would do nothing about it when they did. I would have left California completely but I didn't have all the money in the world and I went as far as I could with the money I had before I settled in Palisades, an hour and a half away from Charming. I would have left Palisades as well if it wasn't so damn good to me.

"I think you already know that."

"Are you here to arrest me or some shit like that?"

I shook my head. "You're the least of my worries."

"So what is?" He questioned.

"I need your help."

* * *

"Call came in at noon. The neighbor said she heard some noise coming from the O'Neil apartment and after heading to see if she was alright she got nothing. When first respondents arrived at the scene they found O'Neil in the bathroom, cuts on both wrists, bled to death."

"Are there any signs of forced entry?" I asked as I followed Chief Latham up the stairs to Rachel O'Neil's apartment on the sixth floor of a well-known complex in Adelaide.

"Nothing that we could see," he said.

"She could have possibly knew the person who was coming into her apartment…Trusted the person and everything backfired."

Chief Latham looked over at me as we reached the apartment door that was blocked off by tape. "Apart of me feels like you're right. Let's take a look."

Rachel O'Neil was in the bathtub, her wrists slit, blood covering the floor and tub. I wanted to step out immediately. I had just been talking to her yesterday and now she was dead.

"I mean it makes sense for a suicide," Chief Latham began. "There is a pile of hate letters on the kitchen table and more in her bedroom. The woman probably couldn't handle it anymore. She told us all she knew yesterday and then decided it wasn't worth it anymore."

"She was devastated but I don't think she would have killed herself. Are there any security cameras in the hallway?"

"We are already on it. We should hear back from them soon."

"What about the ex-boyfriend? Have we found anything on him?"

"Donnie Marks was employed as a construction worker in Hamilton."

"Was?"

"Yes, we called his work but they said Donnie hasn't worked for them since May of last year. He was fired for misconduct and damaging company property. We checked the address we found for a home but we came up with nothing."

"So do we think he ran off like Rachel had said?"

"It's a great possibility."

I had seen everything I needed to see. "Get the crew in here. We need a complete autopsy. I want it as soon as possible."

I walked out of the bathroom and headed for her bedroom. The bed was made as her purse sat on one of the chairs. I checked in it but found nothing of use. I found the letters Chief Latham was speaking of and picked one up. _Your son was an abomination. He deserves to rot in hell._

I put it back down, disgusted, and met Chief Latham and the rest of his team in the living room for a quick run through of the game plan on what lies ahead.

"Alright gentleman," I started. "It looks like we are dealing with a suicide. However, I don't want to rule anything out. We have the security footage and the autopsy report to take into consideration. I don't want anything to hit the press. I'll handle them. I also want to say that all of you have been doing a great job over the past week. I know all of you just want to bring Adelaide some peace. Now, let's finish up here and get back to the station. Keep up the good work, guys."

Ten minutes later after checking the apartment once over, I left for the station with Detective Benson and two officers who had driven me to the crime scene from the precinct.

"You really don't think it was a suicide?"

I looked over at him. "No, I don't. I think the ex-boyfriend or someone associated with the ex-boyfriend showed up at the apartment and was able to get in. They dealt with Rachel O'Neil by creating the perfect scene of a committed suicide. They wanted to throw us off track and make us less focused on where the gun Johnny O'Neil used came from."

"If you don't mind me asking, where do you think it came from?"

"Detective Benson, there are some things you should never question with me. The things I've seen in my life, the stuff I know…It just gives me these hunches. No woman, especially Rachel O'Neil, would have owned an illegal AK-47. The ex, however, probably did. We need to focus on him, find out who he associates himself with. They're the ones who gave the boyfriend the gun and they're the ones who allowed a little boy to kill seven innocent people. Donnie Marks is the key. We don't find him and Rachel O'Neil will obtain the legacy of being the owner of the death machine that her son used for murder. I know it sounds crazy and many of you may not agree with me since it's a lot easier to put it on the mother but I believe in justice. I was taught how to obtain justice. I'll do it too. I hope you'll be there to do it with me."

"I'm on your side."

I smiled over at him as we kept on driving to the Adelaide police department. I went over a few things in the office before I decided it was time to head home for the evening. We wouldn't hear much for the rest of the evening and I needed to be prepared for the press conference the following morning. It had been a long week and I wanted to sleep in my own bed and sit down and think about what was going on around me.

The drive to Palisades was only forty-five minutes and when I pulled into the driveway of my two story house I reached over and pulled out my ring from the glove department. I stared down at my engagement ring and slipped it on my ring finger. This was also my life.


	4. Deals

**Again thanks for all the love for the story! Tell me what ya think! **

* * *

"Well if it isn't the love of my life."

I smiled as I was met at the front door by my fiancé, Rob. He grabbed my bags before wrapping a tight arm around me and placing a kiss on my lips. I had met Rob while attending college and we hit it off. He was going for education and he currently works as history professor at the community college in Palisades. He was extremely caring, trustworthy, and smart. He was everything a woman would want in a man and I was lucky. He understood my job and the mental and physical demands it required. I loved Rob and I was thrilled when he proposed but somewhere I questioned if I was just settling because I felt that Rob was the only man who could deal with me.

"Hey, how are things?"

"Things are good," he replied as I followed him into the kitchen. "Are you hungry? We can order take out."

"Take out would be great," I said as I took a seat at the breakfast bar. "How's class been?"

"Normal, I was busy with meetings today since it's getting so close to the end of the spring semester," he told me before glancing up at me. "I've been watching a lot of what's going on with the case on TV. I can't believe what happened to the mother."

I wasn't a huge fan of talking about my cases even if it was with Rob. When I left the office, a crime scene, a police station, or whatever it may be I left everything there. I hated bringing my work home with me if it meant I had to talk about it when all I wanted was to watch crappy TV and eat junk food. There were two sides of me. District Attorney and the No Shits Given Girl.

"Yeah, I don't know much about that yet. We are waiting for the autopsy and some security footage."

Rob looked at me. "I know this one is hard for you. You hate when it involves children."

He was referring to the fact that Johnny O'Neil had killed four children out of the seven he had shot. It was hard when any life was taken away but children were the toughest. I had a spot towards children and their lives being taken away so young.

"Yeah, but I don't want to talk about that. Can you just pass me the menu?"

Rob waited a moment before he went into the drawer next to him and pulled out the menu for the local Chinese restaurant. I glanced over it and circled what I wanted.

"Order whenever. I'm just gonna shower."

I was heading for the stairs when he said, "Rowan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk about the case."

"You never mean to talk about the case," I replied as I went up the stairs and into our bedroom.

The room was messy with all of Rob's things scattered around the room. He was always disorganized when it came to our bedroom and the bathroom and it bothered me more than it should. I rolled my eyes as I began to pick up his clothes and throw them into the hamper. I went into my closet, grabbed a pair of pajamas and went straight for the shower.

A little while later, after I was done brushing my hair, I found myself wandering back into my closet. I pulled the tiny step stool I had out and stepped up grabbing a small black box from the far right corner. I sat down on the floor with it, surprised that I was even about to open it. It was the box that held the old me. All the memories I could manage from the life I no longer lived.

The first picture was of me and Jax when I was seventeen and he was twenty. Gemma had snapped it at the clubhouse on a Friday night where the party was in full swing. Jax was smiling while I was pissed off that I was even there in the first place. Opie had dragged me there while he flirted with girls and Jax became my only company. Jax and I ended up on the roof where we talked about so many different things that before I knew it the sun was rising. It was the rawest I had even seen Jax and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that whoever he ended up with he would treat with great respect and love. Jax and I were one in the same. We were hardheaded and when we believed in something we gave it our all. Opie had always hated hanging out with the two of us because no decisions could ever be made. Then I left and I had the unanswered thought in my mind on whether or not I would have been happy with Jax considering our life together was practically arranged. I told myself I wouldn't have been.

The second picture was of Opie, my father and I at my fifteenth birthday party, it was after Opie had shoved cake in my face. The third was of me sitting Indian style in the TM parking lot with the SAMCRO men behind me. It was a picture that I was originally not invited in but I was always up for messing with the guys and thanks to Gemma, I added the best flair to their stone faced boring photos. I rummaged through a few knickknacks before I found the bracelet Jax and Opie had given to me on my high school graduation. It was a charm bracelet with six charms, three that they each had picked out. Opie had chosen a motorcycle, my birthstone, and a star because in his eyes I was one. Jax's charms, however, were who I could have been…What I would have been.

"Rowan, are you okay?"

My body felt numb as I looked up at Rob. "I went back."

* * *

"That will be all for today. Thank you." I stepped away from the microphone as the reporters kept shouting my name. Detective Benson placed his hand on the small of my back as he escorted me out of the room and upstairs to the main floor of the Adelaide police department.

"How do you think it went?" I asked. I had studied my notes for most of last night in hopes that I wouldn't screw up. I followed everything to a tee and kept all my answers minimal considering not even I knew the results of the autopsy report or the security footage yet. I knew the whole town of Adelaide just wanted answers and I was trying my best to give them that.

"You are an amazing speaker. You should run for president."

I laughed. "Thank you for the compliment but even that won't ease my nerves."

"You did great. If I was a reporter I would have believed what you said. You wanted to keep it vague and you did. Plus, I don't know why you are asking me for my opinion on your press conference."

I stopped to look up at Detective Benson. "I'm a girl. My confidence level isn't always through the roof."

"It should be," he replied. "They were right to elect you, even if people had their doubts about your experience level."

I nodded my head. "Detective Benson, do you need something?"

He smirked. "I would never be that blatantly obvious Miss. Davenport. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to see where we stand on both the autopsy report and security footage."

"Let me know if you find something."

I walked to my office and sat down on the chair. I took a deep breath in as I leaned against the chair closing my eyes. I thought that being in Rob's company last night I would have slept but instead I didn't sleep a wink. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours my mind on the case. I eventually got up and went into the office to look over the documents I had brought home with me trying to see if anything else could help me figure out the bigger picture and what happened to Rachel O'Neil.

The phone rang on the desk and I picked it up. "Davenport."

"Miss. Davenport," Jennifer began. "You have a call on line two."

"Who is it?"

"I don't know. They wouldn't say."

"Thank you," I responded as I disconnected her line and switched over to line two.

"Davenport," I stated.

"Winston." My father's voice was sarcastic and I heard his chuckle on the other end.

I got up and closed my door and whispered, "Why are you calling me here?"

"How the hell was I supposed to get in touch with ya, kid? You didn't leave a number. I was left to gather my own resources."

"You mean Juice?"

"That could have been what I resorted to, yes."

I rolled my eyes. "Give me the number you're calling on. I'll call you from another."

I wrote down the number and hung up with him. I dug through my bag and found one of the disposable prepaid phones that I carried with me in case of emergencies. There was no way I was discussing information over the phone at a police station or giving my father my own phone number, though I was sure Juice could find that out too.

He answered after a few rings. "Let me guess prepaid?"

"Sorry, for being cautious."

"Oh sweet cheeks, there is no need to worry."

I rolled my eyes again. "Now, what's so urgent that you had to call?"

"I went over your offer with Clay again. He has decided to cooperate."

"Well that was surprisingly quick."

"Let me tell ya, I have a way with words." No wonder where I got it from. "But anyway, he isn't too fucking thrilled about it. You and I both know Clay isn't your biggest fan after you left the club."

"At this point I don't need fans. So he's going to talk to the Irish?"

"He's meeting with them tonight."

"Okay, that's good."

"What about the other end of the bargain?"

"I call Stockton when you offer some sort of valuable information."

"Jesus, Rowan, this isn't some fucking game. Your brother is in that prison."

"You think I don't know that? Look, I was able to get information on Damon Pope. Oakland isn't a far drive from here and tonight he is hosting a charity event in a very public area. I'll speak to him and see if his guys will lay off SAMCRO."

"You can't meet with Damon Pope."

"Oh I will meet with him. Not much you can do to stop me."

"You are walking into a death trap."

"Ya know Op said the same thing when I saw him yesterday. But I think that you're both forgetting that living with you two was a fucking death trap." Then I hung up.

* * *

"I would like to thank all of you for coming out tonight. It means so much to me that the city of Oakland could come together and raise money for the local hospital and soup kitchens. Just remember every dollar you donate goes to a great cause."

I stared up at Damon Pope, in his extremely well-tailored suit, and had to smile at him. He was good. Drug kingpin by night and respected man of society by day. I really had to give it to him.

My phone vibrated in my hand and I looked at the text message from Detective Benson. _In search of Donnie Marks. Just got a hit on his mother who lives in Hamilton. Group is headed there now. _

Not even four hours ago did both the autopsy report and security footage come in and my predictions were right. The cameras picked up a man, in of course all black, standing outside Rachel O'Neil's door where he knocked once before it was opened and he pushed his way in. The autopsy report concluded that Rachel O'Neil had been raped an hour before her death and had heavy bruise marks on her hips. They ran what was on Rachel O'Neil's body and came up with a positive match to Donnie Marks. It was Donnie who had got his way into her apartment, raped the poor woman, and then slit her wrists posing her to make it look like a suicide. I could give him props for his quick thinking but that bastard was wanted for murder and I was going to get him. And the only way I knew we were ever going to get him was by the help of SAMCRO. My secret and highly illegal trade in.

I watched as Damon Pope stepped off the stage and said hello to a few people before he began walking in my direction. I knew Pope and his men wouldn't hurt me here. If after this meeting he planned on killing me it would be in a much quieter part of town where no one would hear me.

I stepped in front of him and Pope stopped short. "Excuse me Miss, I didn't mean to get in your way."

"Mr. Pope. I need to have a few words with you."

He looked at me confused. "Can I ask who you are?"

"I'm Rowan Davenport. I'm the District Attorney for Redville County."

If Damon Pope had any fear whatsoever he didn't show it. "Well then Miss. District Attorney. Would you like to discuss in a quieter area?"

"That would be great."

I followed Damon Pope and two of his men to a room off of where the event was being held. He opened the door for me and I stepped in. I watched as he told his men to wait outside and he closed the door behind him.

"I'm not quite sure what I can do for you," he began but I put my hand up.

"Let's just cut to the chase. I know who you are and what you do."

"I'm afraid I'm not following."

"Others may believe your story but I know you. And if you weren't so good at what you did I would put you in prison. But you never leave a trail. Nothing at all. How is that?"

I was finally getting to him. "The way I run my business is none of your concern."

"I'm afraid now it is. See, I have the understanding that you put four innocent men into a prison wanting to act on some sort of revenge, am I correct?"

"I assume you are referring to SAMCRO?"

"Yes, SAMCRO. Mr. Pope, you're kind of getting into an investigation of mine."

"And how am I doing that?"

"SAMRCO has some pretty valuable information for me but I can't get it until all four men are out of Stockton. I need that information and I will get it by releasing the men you put in there. Now, you come in by doing me a favor and laying off SAMCRO for the time being."

Damon Pope smirked. "Rowan, can I call you Rowan?" He asked but continued anyway. "I don't really like you coming in to my town and barking orders."

"No one ever does but you see I'm just as good as you are. You lay off SAMCRO just until I get what I want then you can have them right back. Do with them what you will but I need them all alive. In the end we both win."

"If I don't agree to this?"

"Like I said _Damon_, I'm just as good as you are. I'll find a way to prove what you do outside being the charity man. And when I do you and all your men will go down for it."

"You think you can just throw around the fact that you hold some special place in society and people will listen to you? I know how to outsmart the police as to my excellent business technique. I can easily outsmart you."

"And that may be true but I've come here with an understandable request. You'll get SAMCRO and when you do I won't stop you."

Pope looked at me for a second before he reached inside his suit and pulled out a card. "Keep in touch."


	5. Old Friends

**Again I love the support. I have a lot of ideas but if you have any leave a review! **

* * *

"The mother knows shit," Chief Latham said to me as we stood in the precinct sipping coffee. "It's another dead end. I can't even begin to think on where this asshole might be hiding out."

"I knew the mother wouldn't know much but it was a good start. Have a few of your officers head to the construction building that he worked at and get more information on why he was fired. Make sure they talk to everyone and anyone. Any little thing on this guy will help."

Chief Latham nodded and walked off. I finished the rest of my coffee and threw the cup in the garbage and headed back to my office. I grabbed my things for my trip to Charming. It had been two days since I heard from anyone in SAMCRO until last night. It was Juice who had called and said they were ready to talk. And much to my dismay I was meeting them at the clubhouse where they could easily kill me if they wanted to. Yet even with me agreeing to meet with them on their territory there was a catch. I had to get them out first.

I called the Stockton prison this morning setting up a deal that would allow the members of SAMCRO out on bail and under probation until their trial. But there wasn't going to be a trial. After I hung up with Stockton I gave my first call to Damon Pope where he agreed to talk to a few people to end the trial. Essentially Jax, Opie, Tig and Chibs were all free men at some point today. Of course, they were free men until I was done with them and they were back in the hands of Damon Pope.

On my drive to my meet up my phone rang and I saw it was Rob. I answered it with a cheerful hello. I didn't want Rob to get any ideas on where I was headed. He was already upset about me for going to Charming the first time. Rob was one of the few, pretty much the only one, who knew of my past life. It was another reason why I never planned on leaving him. He knew too much about me that if he told anyone I would be screwed.

"Hey babe, I'm sorry to call you at work."

"It's not a big deal. I'm currently not at the office. What's the matter?"

"Nothing…I was just calling to see if you would mind if I went to San Francisco for the weekend with a few of the guys."

"Why would I mind?"

"I know you aren't too busy on the weekend and it's usually our time to catch up. I won't go if you want me to be home."

"No, go. You deserve some time to yourself."

"You're really okay with this?"

"I don't see why I should have a problem with it. Just buy me a souvenir."

I could sense the smile in his voice. "You got it my love."

"Have fun, I'll see you when you get back." I hung up the phone and threw it in my bag. I didn't like lying to Rob but I knew I had to do it for his safety. It was good that he was going to be out of town.

I pulled into TM about twenty minutes later to see a row of motorcycles. It seemed like they were already out of Stockton. I wasn't sure if I was ready for a reunion with SAMCRO.

I began to open my car door when I saw Gemma walking briskly towards me from her office. Fucking great, Gemma was going to be the one who killed me.

"You got a lot of fucking nerve showing up here," Gemma stated as she pointed her finger at me. "After everything you did."

"It's nice to see you Gemma."

She huffed. "You fucking dumb bitch. The rest of the club may not see through you but I do. What are you really doing here? Are you trying to put them all in prison?"

"Why would I do that? I just got four of them out."

"You can rot in hell, that's where you belong."

I turned away from her. "Gemma, I don't need to explain anything to you. The reasons I left are beyond what you can wrap around your head. You threatening me is not going to get you anywhere."

Gemma stepped toward me. "What you think you've got SAMCRO on your side? If I beat your ass right here no one would stop me."

"Maybe, but right about now I'm the key to SAMCRO's safety. So maybe before you make assumptions you should get the whole story you _dumb bitch_."

When she smacked me across the face I was kind of expecting it. I threw my hand to my face my jaw dropping. Gemma stepped even closer getting in my face.

"You broke my son's heart, just like Tara. You come to my town acting like you run the place, that's what's going to get you killed. And to be honest I wouldn't mind pulling the trigger."

"You need help Gemma."

Suddenly I heard a whistle and I glanced over to see the guys stepping out of the clubhouse. I wondered how many of them saw Gemma hit me. But she was right I didn't have anyone on my side.

"Are we just in time for the cat fight?" Tig asked approaching us with a smirk on his face. "I've always knew you two would have it out one day."

"You already missed it," I said looking at Gemma.

"That's too bad it was probably fucking hot." I stared at Tig, disgusted. No wonder I never missed this place. "I mean I gotta say you Rowan, you're looking fine."

"Yeah, it's great to see you too Tig."

"Are we getting this done anytime soon? I've got better things to do!" Clay shouted from the door to the clubhouse. I gave Gemma one last look before heading his way.

I gave a nod towards Chibs, Happy, Juice and Bobby before I followed Clay into the chapel. That was where I found Jax. My stomach dropped and my heart began to beat fast. Whenever I envisioned what it would be like to see Jax again it always went terribly wrong. A part of me didn't blame Jax for any anger he had towards me but I wasn't going to sit and make excuses for myself. I had a better more fulfilling life outside of Charming. Jax could have given me a lot but I myself gave me what I truly wanted.

"Sit," Clay said and gestured toward a chair.

I took a seat and finally looked at Jax. He looked the same, still handsome, still blonde. He had bruises underneath his eyes and his knuckles were badly cut up. When Jax and I started to get closer I couldn't remember a time when Jax didn't have a bruise or a cut somewhere on his body. His always seemed to gravitate toward violence though I knew he didn't want to. If he could have it his way SAMCRO would be entirely different.

"I'm assuming everything went good with Stockton," I said.

"Yeah," Jax began. "Heard the charges are dropped and everything. How'd ya swing that?"

"Is that really up for discussion? I'm just here to find out what you guys know about the Irish and their gun distribution."

Clay looked over at Jax as if to tell him to calm down and then he said, "The Irish sell their guns to a group called the White Riders."

I was dumbfounded. "The White Riders…I've never heard of them. Are they legitimate?"

"It seems so. Not many people know of them, their off the grid. A white supremacist group, very tiny," Clay told me.

"And the Irish sell guns to them?"

"Half of 'em, the Irish keep the rest."

"Where are these White Riders located?"

"Somewhere further north," Clay replied. "That's all we know."

"That's fucking bullshit."

"Look Rowan, we gave you your info what else do you want?" Clay asked through gritted teeth.

"I can't show up to the precinct with this type of information. For all I know the White Riders can be a false name you two created to get me to back off. It's not going to work." Clay and Jax looked at each other. I knew they knew more and I needed to know. "Please tell me everything."

"The White Riders are what was left of The League," Jax said.

"You mean Ethan Zobelle League?" I questioned. I didn't have to be in Charming to know of Ethan Zobelle. He was what everyone talked about when I was in law school.

Jax nodded. "They started off small, tried to keep everything low key before marking their territory again. Their leader is guy by the name of Taylor Williams. But even knowing that we can't even begin to assume who they may sell their guns to after they are done with the Irish."

"They probably don't. If their supremacists they are keeping it for themselves."

Jax shrugged. "Like I said darlin' there is no way to tell."

"I need you to track down the group, see if a Donnie Marks hangs out with them."

Clay put his hand up immediately. "We are done helping you, Rowan. You can get out."

"Listen to me. I busted my fucking ass to get SAMCRO out of Stockton. I had to meet with Damon Pope to discuss some sort of offer to make sure he backed off. If you don't help me, I'll put you all right back and let Damon Pope do whatever he wants to SAMCRO."

"No you won't," Clay said. "You never keep your word Rowan, you just run."

"Fine, if you won't help me then I can't help you. Damon Pope will know by the end of the day that I've received my information and he'll be all over SAMCRO."

"Is this some sort of warning?" Jax asked.

"It's what I know will happen. Like I said, I went through some great lengths to get you out of Stockton. You all aren't the only ones who know how to make a deal."

"Rowan, what kind of deal did you make?" Clay asked.

"What do you think? I'm trying to save your asses. The longer you help me the longer you don't have to deal with Pope. It'll give us all time to figure out how to deal with him."

"How could you put the club on the line like that?"

I looked at Clay. "Pope was the one who put them in. He was the one who needed to talk to his people on the inside to tell them everything was off. It was the best I could do."

"And you'll still probably get us all killed," Jax pointed out and I rolled my eyes.

"You know what, screw you both. I'll handle this all on my own." I stood up, pushed in my chair, and walked out of the chapel.

I went to my car, avoiding all stares from the rest of SAMCRO, and drove off. I was so pissed that I actually thought I could get any help from the Sons. I did appreciate my father for making an effort but I felt like they were the ones who got the win. Jax, Opie, Chibs and Tig were free and I was left with some shit information on a white supremacist group that probably didn't even exist.

I was beyond furious and when I finally parked my car I couldn't believe where it had taken me. St. Thomas. It wasn't hard to find her and when I did she gave me one hard look before walking towards me.

"Well I'm very surprised to see you here," Tara Knowles stated.

"I'm very surprised to be here." Tara was Jax's first love. After she left him all those years ago I became the closest person Jax had. That's when everyone started to assume that Jax and I were supposed to end up together because fate works in mysterious ways. Yet I left too and never came back unlike Tara.

"What can I help you with?"

I took a deep breath and whispered, "I need an ultrasound."

Tara looked at me questionably before she nodded and had me follow her to another room. About fifteen minutes later, she and I were staring at my peanut sized baby.

"You're about seven weeks," Tara told me. "Everything seems to be good. No complications."

"That's good to here," I said as she wiped off the jelly on my stomach. "Thank you."

"Does Rob know?"

I shook my head. "I don't have the guts to tell him. With all the miscarriages we've been through. I don't want to hurt him if that's what happens this time around too."

"Well when you talk like that."

"I can't help it sometimes."

"You need to take prenatal vitamins, take a lesser workload. Do everything you can to make sure that doesn't happen again."

"Yeah, I will," I told her but Tara knew I wouldn't. Tara and I had found each other about six years ago and instantly connected. We had been there for each other when we could and I had become somewhat of her emergency phone call when she came back to Charming. If anything were to happen I was her way out. I hadn't agreed with her at the time to go back but I couldn't stop her. In the end it was Tara who was always supposed to be a part of the club.

Tara stood up, reached in the cabinet, and then threw a bottle of vitamins at me. "Now you have no reason not to."

"Thank you," I said sitting up, silence filling the room.

"Should I ask why you're here?"

"Did you know I got SAMCRO out of Stockton?"

"Jax is out?"

"All of them are. I needed some information and to get it I had to give Clay what he wanted."

"Did you get what you wanted?"

"Barely," I replied. Tara turned away and I couldn't help but sense she needed to tell me something. "Tara, is everything okay?"

"You need to get me out of Charming."


	6. The Truth

**Finally y'all get some Jax! Thanks again for all the love, it's what keeps me going. **

* * *

I had thought being home, in my pajamas, and curled up on the couch with all my paperwork I would be able to get some sort of clue on what I was missing from this case. All I had was a thirteen year-old boy with no motive, innocent lives lost, the murder of the mother, and her killer at large. I could feel the stress just beginning to circulate throughout my body. This was my first big case as District Attorney after being elected this past November and all I could think of was how much of a shit job I was doing. I was becoming Rowan Davenport the fuck up.

I stood up from the couch and brought my salad bowl into the kitchen. It was nearing ten o'clock and I had yet to hear from Rob. He had texted me a few hours ago to say he was in San Francisco but I was curious as to why I hadn't gotten a call yet. I rinsed out my bowl and pulled open a drawer to grab a fresh towel when I found my pack.

I put the bowl and towel down before grabbing the cigarettes. I had six in the pack with the lighter and I leaned against the counter staring down at them in my hand. I usually smoked when I was stressed and I suddenly craved one. I knew it was a bad habit but with the constant chain events in my life these seemed to be only things that calmed me down enough to get a useful thought in. I pulled one out before my eye caught the photo sitting next to my purse on the kitchen counter. And then I realized I couldn't do this to myself. So I threw them out.

Knock. Knock. Knock. I froze in the kitchen as I stared at the front door. Who the hell could be here? The knocking kept up as I slowly walked towards the door. I looked in the peephole, calming down, and then yanked the door open.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Jax looked at me like I was the one who was out of my mind. "I came to talk to you."

"And you came to my house?"

"I was kind of curious, wanted to see how the DA job was treating ya…Which is obviously pretty well."

"Juice is good."

"Yeah, we always knew where you were Rowan. Just never came looking."

"Until now," I added.

"Until now," he clarified.

I stared at him for a second before I gestured for him to come inside. I shut the door behind him and looked up to see Jax staring at a photo of Rob and I. His mother had taken it at a fourth of July party years ago. We were two kids in love.

"I'm guessing this is the boyfriend?" Jax asked, glancing back at me.

"More like the fiancé," I replied walking into the living room.

"Fiancé…I thought you never wanted to get married?"

"Why do you think he's still my fiancé?"

Jax smirked and said, "Touché."

I felt awkward being with Jax, even more awkward than I felt this afternoon at the clubhouse. I felt awkward knowing I was helping Tara out of Charming. I felt awkward that this was the first real talk he and I were having in over nine years.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine. I just wanted to thank you for what you did…For getting us out of Stockton. You had a lot of guts going to Pope."

"He wasn't as intimidating as I thought he would be. I'm pretty sure I'd made myself clear with him."

"Pope isn't an easy guy to negotiate with."

"I've got the certain charm Jax."

"I know," he said with a smile. "That's how you got Opie and I to do everything for you."

I smiled back. "I learned from the best."

Jax finally took a seat next to me on my couch and I couldn't help but know that Jax wasn't here just to say thanks. There was something else too.

"We want to help," he told me. "Juice found out that the White Riders are based in Oakland-"

I cut Jax off before he could continue. "They're in Oakland, like Pope territory?"

He nodded. "It seems pretty sketchy. We are taking a ride up there tomorrow to see what we can find, if we can find anything."

I leaned back in the couch. "Well what do you guys want?"

"What?" Jax asked me.

"You didn't come all the way out here just to tell me you are in to helping me. What's the deal?"

Jax looked offended. "There is no fucking deal Rowan. Why don't you thank your brother and old man? Those two are the ones who pushed for us to look into the White Riders. They are the ones who want to help you."

"I just don't understand why you came all the way here to tell me just that?"

"Does there always have to be a goddamn explanation for everything?"

"Yeah, there does. Look Jax, you came into my town, to my home, where the people around me know me as someone else. I worked so hard to get where I am. I can't have my past coming back to haunt me."

Jax stood up and I knew things were about to get heated. "Who the fuck are you, Rowan? If SAMCRO, if _I'm_, so embarrassing than why are you even trying to get our help? The stick up your ass is far out of reach."

I stood up and replied, "Fuck you Jax. You have no idea what I went through when I was in Charming. Leaving was the best decision I ever made for myself, I'm sorry you can't see that."

"I guess I can't when all I want to see is the girl I used to know. The one I loved."

"Don't go there Jax, you never loved me. I was just the replacement."

Jax ran a hand through his hair. "How could you say that?"

"It's true. When Tara left I was the only one you trusted and you knew you could wrap me around your finger. I was yours before I even had time to think about it."

"If you believe that you really are someone I never knew." I could feel the tears in my eyes and I looked away from him. "I loved you, Rowan. And as selfish as it sounds I always wondered what it would have been like if you came back to Charming and Tara didn't. What we could've been. How happy I would have been. The life we would have had, our family that we could have started. And for the longest time all I ever saw was you. All I ever wanted was you."

I dropped onto the couch, and placed my head in my hands. I didn't want to hear this. I had told myself over and over that leaving Jax was the best thing I could have done. I told myself Jax never loved me. I told myself that Jax never wanted to be with me. I told myself everything that would have convinced me to never go back to Charming. And now I was hearing the things that would have brought me back.

"I don't know what you want me to say," I told him.

"You don't have to say anything, I already got it," he said with a huff as he headed for the door.

"Wait, Jax!" I shouted and he turned around just as he opened the door. I walked over to him, pulled him close and kissed him. Everything that happened after that was everything I remembered from nine years ago.

* * *

The following morning I woke up to a pounding headache and I rolled off the bed and onto the floor. I sat for a second before I reached into the nightstand for some Advil when I realized I wasn't in my bedroom. I was in the guest bedroom. My eyes shot open and I stood up looking around the room. It was a complete mess and I about threw up right there before I made it to the bathroom and began to have some recollection of what happened. I threw up two more times before I slowly stood up and hopped into the shower, ridding myself of my horrible sins. I had slept with Jax. It had been hot and crazy and even now I could feel my body tingle.

I hurried out of the shower and went up to my room for a new pair of clothes. It was a Saturday and I had planned to meet up with Chief Latham and his men and women later in the day. There wasn't much anyone could do on weekends with businesses closed early and some not open at all. They were usually to catch up and figure out where you stand. I brushed my hair and headed back downstairs to the guest bedroom.

I picked up the pillows from the floor before something in particular caught my eye. Jax's cut was lying on the chair. I walked over to it and picked it up. What was it doing here? I walked over to the window and saw that his motorcycle was gone. This meant Jax was coming back. I held the cut in my hands noticing its wears and tears. This was who Jax was, something I never accepted of anyone I knew in the club, including Opie and my father.

I put it back on the chair and pulled off the sheets from the bed. I went and put them in the wash before grabbing a new set from the hall closet. I was putting them on when I heard the front door open and Jax walked in.

"Trying to rid yourself of last night, darlin?"

I looked up at Jax with a smirk. "Sorry babe I had to."

Jax smiled back before holding up a bag. "Got us some breakfast. I never knew it would take me so long to find something around here."

"Yeah, town can be quite a drive," I agreed. "Would you help me with this?"

"Sure," he responded placing the bag on the dresser. He walked over to the other side of the bed and helped me put the fitted sheet on.

"Why'd you leave your cut?" I asked as we placed the sheet on top, tucking it in at the bottom.

"I figured I didn't want to scare your neighbors."

I looked up at him. "I didn't mean what I said last night. I'm not embarrassed by you."

He waved me off. "I know Rowan, but I feel like you deserve to be respected. You did work hard."

I walked over to the chair, picked up his cut and put it on him. I kissed his cheek. "You worked hard too, VP."

Jax smiled and kissed my lips. "Round two?"

I laughed. "You're lucky you even got round one."

"You're evil, you know that?"

I shrugged. "I've acquired it over the years, all a part of the job."

"Maybe, but let's eat before I have to head out."

Jax followed me into the kitchen and I went to the cupboard to grab two mugs for coffee. I was asking Jax how long it would take him to get back to Charming when I realized the silence in the room was too quiet. I looked behind me to notice he wasn't there and neither was a certain picture.

"Shit," I said before running to the front door, outside, and the down the front steps where Jax was on his bike. "Jax, wait! I can explain!"

Jax finished placing his helmet on when he shoved the picture in my chest. "You don't have to explain shit."

Jax pulled out and all I was left with was the distant sound of his bike as I stared down at my ultrasound photo that was clearly marked from St. Thomas. Yup, officially Rowan Davenport the fuck up.

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN. Sorry, I just had to do it. Can't all be perfect (: hope you enjoyed! Another update coming soon. **


	7. The White Riders

"We found out Donnie Marks is a part of a white supremacist group, called the White Riders," Detective Benson informed me as he sat in the chair across my desk. I glanced out the window. So they weren't lying. "Yesterday when we went to the construction building we had trouble with a fellow worker named Ryan Calhoun. Made a beeline for the exit when we showed up. Took some persuading but we got some information out of him."

"Is this Ryan Calhoun a part of the White Riders too?"

"He says he isn't. Told us that Marks bragged about the group and their message to him all the time. Calhoun worked the same shifts with Marks and he was the one who went to the big boss to file a complaint."

"So why do you think he ran?"

"Can't say for sure. The guy seemed odd, fidgety, like he wasn't all there."

I leaned back in the chair. "What else did you get?"

"He told us that Marks was living in and out of a home past Hamilton. Marks invited him there a few times but every time he went he was too afraid to go in. Said there were men and women all over the property most of them looking high out of their minds."

"Must be where they all meet," I added. "We need to get a unit there ASAP."

"Already on it, unit headed out about ten minutes ago."

"Good, let's find this asshole."

"I was planning to head up there myself. Say in five?"

"I'm in."

Detective Benson nodded before he stood up and exited my office. I said a quick prayer hoping we would find Donnie Marks and he'd be taken into custody and this awful experience in Adelaide would come to an end. In fact I wanted this day in general to come to an end. After my wonderful mishap with Jax this morning I wanted nothing more than to crawl in a hole and never come out. I wondered if this affected me receiving help from SAMCRO on the case. I wondered whether or not I would hear or see anyone from the Sons ever again.

Suddenly my phone began to ring from inside my bag. I dug around in my bag only to find that it was the pre-pay that was ringing. It was a blocked number and I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"We have a lead." It was Opie.

"You do?"

"We found out where the White Riders are definitely running their show. A house up in Hamilton just outside of Oakland. We are checking it out now."

My heart about dropped. Even with the units in route to Hamilton, the Sons would beat them there. "Shit. You may want to hold back. There are units from Adelaide heading there now."

"Hold on," he said and I waited a moment for him to come back on the line. "We'll fall back. Keep our distance and see what your guys find. After they leave we'll make a quick entrance, be a little bit more convincing if needed."

"Ok. I'm coming too. We'll need a warrant if they fight us which will take another few hours to get. If we can't get in you'll do the job?"

"Yeah, we'll do it. And be careful, Rowan."

"You too, Op."

* * *

The house was small, dark blue, and dirty. It was located down a long dirt path that eventually opened to reveal the vast land that surrounded it. Detective Benson parked the car and I slowly got out taking in the foul smell. I glanced back at Benson who shrugged his shoulders. I wasn't quite sure what all of this was and I wasn't quite thrilled to find out.

Two officers headed for the front door and knocked. It took a moment before a young man, extremely handsome, opened the door. I couldn't hear what he and the officers were saying but eventually Officer Stein turned back and gestured for Benson and I. We walked over and Benson told the two other officers waiting at their patrol car to do a sweep around the house.

"You think he'll let me in?" Benson asked with a laugh.

My head shot towards Detective Benson. Benson was African American but I hadn't realized till now that if the theories on whether or not Donnie Marks was a supremacist and if the man standing at the door was too then we would have a problem.

"If he doesn't, I'll cuff him myself for being a straight up douche bag."

We approached the man who stuck his hand out towards me. "Miss, I'm Jacob Hunter. These officers tell me you'd all like to have a look around."

I shook his hand. "Mr. Hunter, I'm District Attorney Davenport and if you don't mind we would like to do just that."

"May I ask what for?" Jacob asked showing a perfect white smile.

"Mr. Hunter, I'm not sure if you've heard about the recent shooting in Adelaide but our investigation has led us to here."

"Well I wouldn't want to disrupt the investigation, please come in."

I stepped in with Benson and the officers following me as well. The place was spotless compared to the outside wreckage and odor that hung in the air. It was as if this Jacob Hunter was tipped, buying himself time to clean up what is usually a mess. The two officers continued to talk with Jacob Hunter while Benson and I headed into the kitchen.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," Benson said. "I can't fucking believe this."

"It's too clean," I pointed out. "It's like he knew we were coming."

"And where are all the people? Ryan Calhoun said this place was always filled to capacity. I'm not sure I believe that Jacob Hunter is the only one living here."

I nodded. "All of this is too strange."

"You're telling me."

We walked down the hallway, looking into two bedrooms before I opened the hall closet. It was filled with jackets before I noticed something.

"Benson," I called out and he stepped out one of the bedrooms.

"Find something?"

"Yeah, this." I pushed back the jackets to reveal another door. Benson looked at me with wide eyes. "That's where they are all hiding. We're gonna need that search warrant now."

* * *

After five and a half hours of craziness and it nearing seven o'clock, we finally had a search warrant and a few more police officers on the scene to head into the house. We figured it was best that we didn't make it suspicious if any officers stayed after Benson and I left and hopefully it would get more people out from wherever they were hiding from so when we returned with the warrant it wasn't a waste of time. However, I knew it wasn't. I wanted to know what was behind that door just as much as anyone.

We were just pulling onto the dirt road when I felt the pre-pay vibrate in my pocket again. The blocked number had called me five times in the last two hours and I had no chance to be alone to answer it. I had assumed that SAMCRO had seen us at the house and with us being able to enter the home without a rift they would back off.

"Holy shit," Benson stated and I looked up at the house. My hopes were wrong. SAMCRO had been here.

"Oh my God," I said. I stepped out of the car and looked around.

The house was in even worse shape and there were a few bodies on the ground, blood, casings from guns, and now an added bonus to what should have been an easy search.

"Their breathing," Officer Stein called out as he leaned over one of the bodies. "What do you think happened?"

Chief Latham walked up to me. "How do you want to handle this?"

"Let's go in. Call the paramedics, get a few out here. We don't know what the inside will be like."

The inside was worse. What a clean house was before was now a complete mess. There were about ten people sitting in the living room, surrounding the body of Jacob Hunter. He had a bullet wound to the head and I sighed deeply. I checked around the house to find more and more people before I reached the hallway closet. The door inside the closet was opened and I headed down it. It leads to the basement where a church like setup was held. There was a podium, chairs and a large cross against the one wall. There were bible verses on the wall and when I stared at them long enough I realized they were written in blood. I walked towards a closed door and opened it. There were the guns.

"Davenport." I jumped and turned around to see Chief Latham. "Sorry to scare you. None of these people are Donnie Marks."

"Bring them all in. We need to know what happened here. And get them away from the man in the living room. This is officially a crime scene."

"What's this place?"

"The reason we got the warrant in the first place. The guns are in that room over there. We can check them and see if any are registered to a Bryan Kelly," I told him.

"Okay. As soon as the premises is cleared we'll get it all going…Man, this place is creepy."

"You're telling me," I replied as I stared at certain passage of Samuel in the bible. _Fear not, you have done all this evil yet do not turn aside from following the Lord…For the Lord will not cast away his people for his great name's sake. _

* * *

"What the fuck happened?" I asked through gritted teeth. I was standing about fifty yards from the crime scene as paramedics were now here, extra police officers, and the coroner.

"What do you think happened?" Opie asked me over the phone. "You need to get to Charming. We need to talk."

"Like hell I'm coming to Charming. Thanks to SAMCRO, I'm handling yet another blow to this case. I have three dead, over ten injured and many confused and speechless. No one's talking yet but I know this was all you guys."

"Rowan, get to Charming by tonight. That's all I'm saying." Opie hung up and I stared down at my phone. I rolled my eyes before I used all my might and broke the pre-pay in two. It wasn't going to stop anyone from SAMCRO to reaching contact with me but doing this gave me some sort of peace of mind. I didn't know how much more I could take.

I saw Detective Benson begin to jog up towards me. "Rowan, we got someone who knows something about Marks."

"Great," I responded as I followed him towards the back porch steps where a young woman sat. She looked like she hadn't showered in days and I decided to sit down next to her to make her feel comfortable. "Hi, I'm Rowan. Who are you?"

"Lena," she responded.

"Lena, I hear you know something about a man I'm looking for. Donnie Marks?"

She nodded. "Yeah, he's my husband."


	8. Leverage

**Thanks again for the love! Anything is appreciated (: **

* * *

I pulled into TM at almost eleven o'clock. I had surprised myself that instead of heading home after arriving in Adelaide that I went right back north and to Charming. The parking lot was crowded with bikes and I got out, locking my car behind me. I looked up to see Jax sitting on one of the picnic tables outside the clubhouse. He looked up at me too and took a long drag from his cigarette. The cuts on his face were far worse.

I approached him hesitantly and stood in front of him. He didn't make a move for the door but he wasn't saying anything either.

I took a deep breath and said, "I should have listened to you."

Jax looked up, surprised and asked, "What do you mean?"

"You told me that you and the rest of the guys were checking out the house outside of Oakland. This morning when one of the detectives came in to tell me that they had gotten a lead too I was so thrilled that everything was coming together I barely remembered a thing you told me about the White Riders. Then Opie called and I was clueless even then. No one knew you were coming to see me did they?"

Jax shook his head. "Yeah, I guess you should have listened to me."

"Why did you guys pursue?"

"Why didn't you answer your goddamn phone?" Jax questioned as he stood up from the table and I stepped backward. "We didn't know what the hell to do, so we went with our best judgment."

"What to come guns a blazing?"

Jax sighed. "They fired first, we had to defend ourselves."

I sighed and put a hand on my hip. "You guys left quite a mess, I'll give you that. No one's talking about the incident. It's like they are all mute." I kept the fact out that I had spoken to Lena so no one in SAMCRO could have any retaliation towards her. I needed to keep Lena safe with all the new information she had given me.

"Yeah, well, we had quite a mess too."

"What?" I asked.

"Bullet hit Chibs in the arm and Juice got one in the thigh. Tara is in there now patching them both up."

"Shit," I said. "I didn't want this to happen."

"Yeah but it did and now we are in too deep to get out."

I shook my head. "What does that mean?"

"I think it's time you come inside."

I nodded and began to follow him toward the clubhouse door before I stepped in front of him. Jax looked down at me and I said, "You're just as guilty. Remember that." Yet he and I both knew our guilt didn't come from the crossfire of today.

* * *

"DA is here!"

"Thanks for making the announcement," I said to Tig who blew a kiss toward me. At least there was one person in this room who remotely liked me.

"Want a beer?" He asked me.

I could feel Jax's eyes on me as I declined Tig's offer. I followed Jax into the chapel where Juice was lying on the table as Tara hovered over the area of his thigh where the bullet wound was. Chibs was sitting in one of the chairs looking high off the medication that Tara must have given him. Clay was standing in the corner giving me a death stare. I probably wasn't walking out of here alive tonight.

"You see what you did?" Clay asked me.

"I didn't do this," I said defending myself.

Clay suddenly picked up a chair and threw it across the room. I jumped back in fear as did Tara and I closed my eyes tightly. I didn't need this. Yeah, I messed up by not listening to Jax when he told me that they were checking out the house but how I was supposed to tell officers in Adelaide that they couldn't follow up on the lead that Ryan Calhoun had given them? I figured they had backed off when we gained entrance the first time and even if SAMCRO was going to check things out themselves I didn't want violence to become the answer. This fell on both sides.

Clay walked toward me and got in my face. "Two of my guys took bullets for helping you! I swear to God if this falls back on us I will gladly kill your skinny ass."

I put my hand up. "No one's talking, I promise. I kind of don't expect them too."

Clay stepped backward. "We found the Marks guy."

My jaw dropped. "You did?"

"He ran with the leader and two others. Opie and Jax followed them for as long as they could before they pulled into a port in Oakland. They were met by Pope's guys."

"Pope is working with the White Riders?"

"They are definitely working together on something but we're not sure what."

"They have something going on," Jax said and I looked over at him. "Pope's guys were quick to defend them. Opie and I had to split before we both would get our heads blown off."

I caught eyes with Tara who gave me a sad look. "So now we've reached the dead end."

"Not quite," Clay said as he walked out of the Chapel and gestured for me to follow him. He walked over to one of the tables and picked up some pieces of paper and handed them to me. "We were able to pick up some footage from the port and found Marks and the three others leaving in this black SUV. We got Unser to run the plate numbers where it's registered to a Derek Driver."

"Derek Driver worked with Pope," I said and Clay nodded.

"Yes. Unser was able to pull some strings and he found out that the SUV is in a hotel not far from Oakland. We are gonna take a drive by it tomorrow."

"Who is to say they'll stay the night?"

"They aren't going anywhere, not when all this shit just started."

"You're right," I added. "These people they're insane. It's like they are one big family. They wouldn't leave without everyone."

"Exactly," he replied. "Just make sure your people don't interrupt my people tomorrow."

"Duly noted."

Clay looked over at Jax and then back at me. "You need to talk to Pope again."

"Excuse me?"

"After the shit we went through today, you owe it to us. You owe it to yourself to get some goddamn answers about what's happening. You need to make a new deal with him."

"I don't have anything as leverage."

Clay smiled. "We do."

Jax pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it over to me. I opened it and saw a mug shot of a man named Derek Driver. I looked from Clay to Jax. "What is this?"

"Your leverage," Jax stated. "Driver's been in Stockton for about a month now, attempted murder. Driver may work with Pope but he's also his cousin. If you tell Pope you'll get Driver out of prison he'll need to get off our backs completely. No other deals after this."

I was honestly scared to meet with Damon Pope again but I couldn't tell them that. They'd probably laugh in my face and wish me good luck while they pushed me on my way. "Ok, I'll try to get in contact with him."

"Good girl," Clay stated before he placed a hand on my shoulder. "Now calm down a little bit Miss. Attorney. Have a drink, we aren't gonna kill ya."

"Like that was positive reassurance," I told him.

Clay smiled as he headed back toward the chapel doors. "We'll call if we get anything on Marks. And you call if you're planning to meet with Pope."

I didn't answer as he entered the chapel and closed the doors behind him. I crossed my arms over my chest as Opie walked up to me.

"I'll come with you when you need to meet with Pope."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"Not a babysitter, just a concerned brother. I can see it in your face."

"Didn't realize I was that readable."

Opie put a secure arm around me. "Why don't you stay the night at the house with Pop? It's a little late to drive back."

"I don't have any clothes. I should just go home."

"It's not a big deal. Your bedroom at the house stayed the same. I'm sure there are some clothes in one of the drawers that will fit you."

I thought about it for a second before I finally nodded. "Okay, you think he's still up?"

"Man never sleeps."

"Alright, I'll head over there."

I didn't say my goodbyes as I exited the clubhouse and walked toward my car. I was unlocking the driver's side door when I heard my name. I turned around to see Tara jogging toward me. I wondered if I would be able to look her in the eye.

"Tara, hey."

"Look, I know you're busy. But you're going to help me right? Like you definitely will?"

I could feel the pain in Tara's voice. She wanted out and she would have left a long time ago if it wasn't for Abel. Abel was three now and Tara was the only mother figure that he had. Tara was afraid that if she left Jax would never allow her to see Abel again. She had thought about taking Abel with her but knew the manhunt that would ensue for Abel would end horribly for her. Abel would have to stay in Charming whether she liked it or not. Tara wasn't getting along with Gemma and even though she feared for Abel's safety when Gemma was with him it had just become too tiring to fight it anymore. Gemma was the Queen and no one won when they went up against her. I had to help Tara.

"Yes, I'm going to help you. What I need you to do is to look into other hospitals where you could transfer, possibly in California. If you live in California it may be easier for Jax to agree for visitation with Abel. Once you have a transfer set in motion will figure out living arrangements. I have money in the bank that you can use, enough to really get you on your feet wherever you locate."

Tears started to form in Tara's eyes. "You don't know how much this means to me, Rowan."

"No…I do."

* * *

My eyes were growing heavier and heavier as I finally saw the exit for Palisades. Last night my father was rather surprised when he answered the door to see me standing there. We talked for a little bit before I wandered into what was once my room. Opie had been right, everything was the same. I dug in the drawers and found some clothes that fit me and freshened up in the bathroom before I fell asleep within seconds on the bed. I woke up early and had breakfast and coffee with my father before I headed out. I knew Rob was going to be home before noon and I wanted to be home when he got there. We hadn't spoken much over the short time he was in San Francisco but I didn't blame him. I could understand why he needed time away from me.

I pulled into the driveway and headed inside. I threw my bag on the front table and opened up some windows in the living room to get some fresh air. I threw my jacket on the couch and plopped down turning the TV on where the local news popped up on the screen. I felt myself dozing off when suddenly there was a hand on my mouth. My eyes shot open where a set of brown ones were looking down at me. He was wearing a mask and all I could see were those eyes. Pure evil.

I squirmed off the couch and stood up quickly but it was all too late. Another body had put their arms around me, locking my arms behind me. I tried to move out of his hold but he was gripping onto me so tightly.

"Stop moving bitch," the man behind me stated.

"What do you want?" I asked through gritted teeth trying to keep calm. I had never been in this position before but I had been told plenty of times that the best thing to do was to be as calm as possible. You don't show fear.

Brown eyes walked toward me and took a strand of my hair in his hands. I turned my face away from him as my heart began to beat faster and faster. His hand than wondered down my chest where he placed it on my stomach.

"How's the baby?"

"You son of a bitch!" I shouted and tried to kick him but I was pulled back.

"Whoa, whoa, sweetheart calm down."

"Who are you?"

Even though I couldn't see it I knew he was smiling. "Stop looking for us."

The first stab was to my stomach. So was the second and third.

* * *

**:O **


	9. First Love

**Seriously I love all of you. You guys are the best. Different perspectives in this chapter, hope you like it! **

* * *

Wayne Unser stood in shock as he stared down at his phone. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to deliver the information that he just received. He could feel the eyes of the SAMCRO members on him as he slowly turned around to face them.

"Unser, what's going on?" Clay asked as he took off his helmet.

Wayne put his head down and shoved his phone in his pocket. "That was Palisades PD. Rowan was attacked this morning, it's not looking too good."

"Jesus Christ, that girl," Piney stated. "Is that all you know?"

"Someone dropped her off in front of the hospital, she was unconscious and they brought her right in for surgery. The police checked her house and found the weapon and some message written on the wall in blood."

"Fucking psychos," Opie stated through gritted teeth. "It had to be the White Riders."

Unser shrugged. "It's possible. She's still in surgery. It could be a while until she talks."

"How did they know to contact you?" Piney asked.

"Let's just say Rowan and I kept in touch when she left. No offense to any of you but she didn't want me to tell you fellas. I'm sorry I haven't said a word about her."

"Rowan is a convincing young lady, I don't blame you," Piney replied.

"Yeah, very convincing," Unser stated as he headed back toward his car.

At that time Jax pulled into the TM parking lot, taking the spot next to Clay. He looked at his fellow club members who obtained a sad look in their eyes.

"Did someone die, or something?" Jax asked as he got off his bike.

"It's Rowan," Opie told him. "It looks like her shit finally caught up with her."

Jax looked away. "Shit, what happened to her?"

"Attacked, she's in surgery," Clay replied.

Piney looked from Clay to Jax wondering what their next move would be. He knew in his heart that those two men didn't like his daughter for her past decisions. But Piney, well he got over it. It had been two days after her high school graduation when Piney went home to find an empty bedroom with a note explaining that she just had to get out. He had sat on her bed for a long time rethinking his own choices in life and whether or not he could truly blame her for leaving. His own wife, Mary, had left and now his daughter was gone too. He thought about going after her to bring her back home where she belonged but he only knew she would resent him even more. Their relationship never meant something and if he wanted to be a good father he just had to let her do what she wanted. It was Opie and Jax who he couldn't control. He tried to tell them over and over that it was her life and she could do what she wanted but nothing was good enough for them. So he let them look for her but he knew Rowan wouldn't leave a trace. She was a smart girl, graduated with honors, and she would leave them with dead ends. And she did. Piney had to give her a round of applause.

"I don't know about you boys but it looks like I'm taking a trip out to Palisades," Piney declared as he headed over toward his bike.

"I'm coming with you Pop," Opie said and went to his bike too.

"We'll all go," Clay decided. "If these bastards are the ones who got to Rowan than its safe to say they aren't in that hotel room in Oakland." He turned to look at Bobby. "You stay with Chibs and Juice, keep an eye on things here."

Bobby nodded. "You got it boss."

Piney didn't wait any longer as he started up his bike and pulled right out of TM with Opie, Clay, Jax, Tig and Happy close behind him. He reflected a lot of things about his life on the ride to Palisades. He wondered what his life would have turned out to be if he never started SAMCRO with JT. Where he would have been and who he would have been. SAMCRO was their freedom and instead he trapped his son and daughter into what he thought was a stable environment, what he thought would have given them a good life. He realized now that it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. SAMCRO had forced him to lose his wife and daughter knowing the defeat he faced without even trying to fight. Deep down in his heart he was proud of Rowan and the life she had created for herself. She had made it even if she was quite the smart ass.

Jax kept his eyes on the road and his hands gripped tight as they finally reached the sign welcoming them into Palisades. The hospital was another ten minutes and the six of them walked right in and to the front desk.

The woman behind the counter stood up upon their entrance. "Can I help you gentlemen?"

"We're looking for Rowan Davenport," Opie told her.

The woman's face turned into a frown. "I'm sorry but Miss. Davenport just got out of surgery and is bringing brought into the ICU, only family will be able to see her when she wakes up."

"We are family," Piney said, stepping forward. "I'm her father."

"I'm sorry…The records we have on Miss. Davenport show she never had a father. There is not much I can do."

Piney slammed his fist on the counter and Jax pulled him back. "Jesus, old man, calm down!"

"She's denying me to see my daughter!" Piney shouted back as Jax sat him down in a chair.

Jax leaned down to look Piney in the eye. "Not another word, we'll handle this."

Piney shrugged Jax's hands off of him. Jax rolled his eyes before returning to the group. He looked at the woman and asked, "Is she alone? Does she have anyone?"

"No," the woman said. "Her fiancé was called, he's here. I can see if he'll come out and talk to you."

"Thanks, that would be appreciated," Jax replied.

The woman nodded before she walked down a hallway. Opie stood there dumbfounded. He wondered why she hadn't spoken about being engaged. He also found himself becoming furious with the man, the man his sister was with and he didn't even know. He plopped down in the seat next to Piney.

"Jeez, we don't know shit about Rowan," Opie said and Piney glanced over at him.

"I kind of guessed. She always had the mark of a ring on that particular finger."

"Why do you think she hid it?" Tig asked, curiously.

"Must be part of the job, doesn't want to mix work with personal," Piney responded as he looked around the room. He really just wanted to know if she was okay.

Suddenly, a breathless Rob turned the corner spotting the members of SAMCRO. He took a deep breath as he approached them.

"You all are here for Rowan right?" Rob asked as the six men looked up at him. "I think we should talk outside."

* * *

"The asshole got her three times in the abdomen. Didn't hit any major arteries but she lost a lot of blood. They had to remove her appendix and some of her intestines, guy got her even lower…She was pregnant. Baby's gone."

Silence filled all of them and Rob knew how they felt. It had been like a huge knock to the face when the doctor told him. He had said that it was early in the pregnancy and Rowan probably didn't even know. He hoped that she didn't know because of their track records with failed pregnancies. It only had been seven months since her last miscarriage and he swore Rowan wasn't coming back after that one. He didn't know why God was giving them all of these obstacles when all he wanted was a family with Rowan.

"Doc said she was early in the pregnancy, it's likely that Rowan didn't even know," Rob continued on. "But overall she'll heal."

"Jesus Christ," Piney said. "Pregnant?"

Rob nodded. "I didn't know either. She and I have had a lot of difficulty with trying to have a baby. I don't know how I'm going to tell her."

"Maybe you shouldn't, if the doc said she didn't know then you're only protecting her," Opie stated.

"Yeah, and I'll look like an asshole if she finds out from someone else. Look, she isn't up yet probably won't be for a couple of hours. She has some officers watching over her but I'll let her know you guys are here and see if you can talk to her. It's the best I can do for you all riding out here."

"Fiancé, you know about us?" Clay asked.

Rob nodded. "Rowan didn't want to keep it a secret. I have no problems with any of this. You all were special to her even if she doesn't come out and say it."

Jax watched Rob walk off and back into the hospital. He wanted to throw up. Rowan knew about that baby and now he felt like a total dick for getting angry at her for her not saying a word to him. Rowan was good at keeping secrets and leaving you to find out in the worst possible ways.

"I actually feel bad for that spunky chick," Clay said as he sat down on a bench.

"Yeah, and I dealt with that spunk for eighteen years," Piney added. "Poor girl probably didn't even see it coming."

"Should we go check the house? See if we find anything? I'm sure Palisades PD is finished for the night," Clay said and with a show of hands five of them were riding off while Piney stayed at the hospital.

There was caution tape around the front porch and Tig ran around back to see if he could get a window open. The one in the kitchen opened with ease and he slid in heading for the front door to let the rest of them in. It was then he noticed the blood…So much blood. Tig always held a special place for Rowan in his heart. She added a certain spice to the clubhouse and everyone always seemed a little bit happier when she came waltzing in the doors. When she left Charming it shocked him. He never even thought that Rowan was even thinking about leaving and when she did he felt like he had been lied to.

"Tig, are you in?" Clay shouted from outside the front door. Tig snapped out of it and unlocked the front door letting the rest in.

Yet the only thing everyone could look at were the words written across the wall in what everyone knew was Rowan's blood. _The beginning… _

* * *

Piney sat stone faced as he watched people walk in and out of the hospital. Some were crying, others were happy but mostly he couldn't get the feeling of sickness and death off of him. He took a sip of the water one of the nurses had given him as he continued to wait. It was almost eight o'clock and Opie and Jax had joined him about a half hour ago. The rest of the group went back to Charming knowing they couldn't do much for Rowan. He didn't want to know about the crime scene and Opie and Jax didn't share it with him.

Piney saw Rob enter the room and he waved at him as the three of them stood up. Rob walked up to them and said, "She's up. She's groggy though, the doctor is in talking to her. Nurses are putting her on some heavier pain medication."

"Are we able to see her?" Piney asked.

"I brought it up to her but she wants talk to you," Rob said looking over at Jax.

"Me?" Jax questioned.

Rob nodded. "First loves never die."

Jax looked at Opie and Piney who encouraged him to go. He followed Rob down the hallway and to her room where two officers stood outside her door. The doctor was waiting as well and gestured for Rob to speak a little ways down the hall. Rob told Jax to head on and after taking a deep breath he slowly opened the door.

Rowan's eyes were closed and they opened when he entered. She was pale, with IV's in her arms and Jax wanted nothing but to hold her. He grabbed her hand, pulling a chair up next to her.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I got stabbed," she responded and Jax rolled his eyes. Leave it to Rowan to have wit in the given situation.

"Do you know who did this?"

"Who do you think?"

"Did you see them?"

She ignored his question. "I haven't given anyone my statement yet…I'm not going to include you in it."

Jax's eyes widened. "You knew?"

"You've picked me up plenty of times when I've fallen. And you weren't short of doing that today. You followed me home?"

"I tried to stay far enough back so you wouldn't know. I saw them run out of the house and that's when I went in."

Jax saw Rowan smile. "You saved me."

"I'm sorry this happened to you."

"You mean about the baby?"

"All of this Rowan, you didn't deserve it."

"Maybe I did, getting in bed with the wrong people."

"SAMCRO fucked up by going into that house but no one ever thought they would go after you."

"Yeah, I didn't think so either." Jax held her hand tighter as Rowan stared at him, admiringly. "You're brave and I thank you for what you did. You know what could have happened."

"I'm glad we'll never have to find out."

Jax stayed with her until she fell asleep. He stood up, kissed her cheek and left. The ride back to Charming made him realize one thing; He had never moved on.


	10. EADA

**So sorry for my lack of updating. The end of my fall semester has come up on me so quickly and I have had a bunch of other papers to write. But I am back with a chapter update. Hope you like!**

* * *

It had been two days since the accident and I felt like everything inside of me was on fire. I had gotten an allergic reaction to the first set of painkillers the doctors had given me and I had a reaction to the second ones as well. Now I was stuck on a low dosage of Advil that was doing complete shit for the injuries I had sustained. The doctors told me I lost my appendix, and a few inches off my intestines to get it to function properly. Then they told me I had some serious issues pertaining to my uterus, apparently it got real messed up. They never mentioned a baby and neither did Rob. But I knew they knew and I found it a lot easier to play dumb. I figured when I was a bit more stable they would drop the bomb on me and I had gotten over it already so I was ready for the big news.

I was watching the latest episode of _The Price is Right _when there was a knock on my door and the person I least expected was entering.

"Not even a year in and you almost get yourself killed."

"Jaclyn, what a lovely surprise." Jaclyn Riddle was the Executive Assistant District Attorney and a real pain in my ass. She was older than me, almost thirty-eight, and she liked to undermine everything I did. She wasn't my favorite person in the whole world but she was good at what she did and for that I couldn't hate her.

"I guess it is," she replied with a smirk before plopping down in the seat next to my bed. "I'm sorry about all of this."

"I'm sure you are."

"It's the only thing you'll get out of me so you might as well accept it."

I looked away from her. It was obvious that since I was extremely incapable of working the Adelaide shooting case anymore it was now in the hands of Jaclyn. I had gotten in touch with her yesterday and she had a few court proceedings to handle before she could go out to Adelaide. I had given her the low down of everything and where all my papers were in the office but I wasn't expecting her to show up at the hospital. Jaclyn wasn't a caring person and rarely did she ever show any emotion. She was straight to the point and she scared almost anyone who came across her path.

"I thought you were going out to Adelaide today?"

"I'm headed there after I talk with you. I figured since you're the big boss you know everything first hand. I want to hear it all from you."

"What do you want to know?"

For the next hour or so Jaclyn and I went over key points to the case. We discussed the shooting, Rachel O'Neil coming to the station, her murder, figuring out it was Donnie Marks who had committed it, and our quest to find him which lead us to a home outside of Oakland where a very prominent white supremacist group has been holed up.

"What about when you all came back with the warrant? They had gotten attacked right?"

I nodded. "More bodies, more non-talkers. I think they are told not to talk, not to give anything away. They are all pretty good at it."

"Except the one?"

"Yeah, Lena Marks."

"What's her story?"

"She said that about two and a half years ago she ran away from home, was having some problems with her parents. She was eighteen at the time and the parents didn't really care that she was gone. She was sleeping on the streets, begging for money when the oh-so handsome Taylor Williams changed her life. Took her in, nursed her back to health, and introduced her to the White Riders. The only way to be accepted into the group as a woman is to marry. Williams picked Donnie Marks for her. They were married at a courthouse."

"So it's official?"

"As official as it can get. Apparently they never use the same courthouse but Williams is always a witness at the ceremony. Also, the man holds the true dominance in the relationship. Marks knocked her up a few times but you can't have children."

"Shit, kid should have just stuck with her parents."

"It gets worse…They share."

"What?"

"You're married but any man can have you. Marks is supposed to provide but for everyone else it's just an open sign all the time. Can't deny either, or you're out."

"I can only imagine what they do when they kick you out."

"Lena didn't say," I said as I adjusted myself in the bed, pain forming in my abdomen. No position was comfortable no matter what I did.

"So does she know anything about the attack?"

"She said it was about four to five guys came in asking questions, things got heated, she said they shot first. All the women were brought down to the basement and told to stay there until everything was over. When she went back up Taylor Williams and Donnie Marks were nowhere in sight."

"She knows more."

"I think so too. She told me she didn't know where they went but I don't think she wants to be the rat."

"Well turns out I'm excellent in turning people into rats."

I stifled a laugh. "And that's what makes you so evil."

Jaclyn stood up and placed her hand on top of mine. "I'll keep you in the loop, Rowan. Just focus on getting better, for everyone's sake."

"Yeah, don't fuck up anything."

"I'll try not to."

She left a minute later and I was left alone in the room. I closed my eyes, disappointed that it wasn't me heading out to Adelaide. I knew in the end I would be the one to bring the case to the court room but I doubted whether or not I would be able to do anything now that I was in the hospital and could no longer get any inside scope from the Sons. But mostly important _then there was SAMCRO_.

It was yesterday when my father and Opie showed up hoping to see me. I let them in because I could only imagine how worried they were. It was strange with Rob in the room and no one truly knowing each other, me being a part of that as well. They stayed for a few hours, even had lunch with me, before they had to go back to Charming. My father asked if he could visit again and I accepted feeling a strange connection with him that never manifested throughout my childhood and teenage years. Who knew it would take me being seriously injured for him to care?

I fell asleep for what felt like hours before I heard the door open again and Rob walked in. He had classes today and couldn't take off any more work and I knew he needed something else to occupy his mind. There was only so much I could take with him just staring at me from across the room as if in any second I was going to break and crumble to nothing.

"Hey babe," he said and kissed my forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm holding up. Counting the days till I'm out of here."

"You still have five more so don't try to rush it. And you have a lot of resting at home to do as well."

I rolled my eyes. "Well aren't you glad you'll be there to answer my every beck and call?"

"Yes but I also talked to my mom. She's going to stay with us for a little while, until you get a handle on everything."

I adored Rob's mother so I had no objections with her coming to stay with us when I returned home. Plus I wondered how sane I would be being in the house by myself.

Silence filled the room for a while and I noticed Rob seemed distracted. He was grading papers at the table with such concentration and he was scribbling all over the papers as if he was ripping every one of his students a new asshole.

"What's up with you?" I asked.

"I'm just stressed!" He shouted and I jumped slightly, hating myself for the pain that I felt. "Sorry…I just I've had a rough few days. Not to say you haven't but I'm trying to hold it all together."

"Babe, you're doing a great job, really you are. You've been so helpful…And I-" but then he cut me off.

"I found blood in your car."

I could feel the color drain from my face. I had told police officers that I was my assailants who had brought me to the hospital and everyone was quick to agree. I had told them I remembered coming in and out of consciousness and seeing them in the front seats of a truck they were driving where I lied motionless in the back. Police officers had looked over the security cameras but found no sign of the truck but instead a man, whose face you could not clearly see, approach the entrance of the emergency room and place me gently on the ground. He was approached by two nurses before slipping away, leaving others to wonder if he was ever really there.

"You were in my car?"

"I figured I'd drive it to work to get it running and when I was putting my stuff in the back seat there was a clear blood stain right on the floor."

"Wow…Not sure how that got there."

"Rowan, don't lie…Please."

"If you know I was in there then why are you asking?"

"Why was he at the house?"

"He wasn't. He had followed me home to make sure I got there okay. He saw them leave the house, he came in and drove me to the hospital."

"And just left you out front as if you're a rag doll."

"He couldn't get involved Rob, and I don't blame him. If anything he saved my life. I would have never been able to call for help from my position on that floor. The blood was coming so quickly I had barely any time to realize what was truly going on. He meant well."

"Is there something going on between you two?"

My jaw dropped. "How could you ask me that question?"

"I don't know it just seemed like the next logical thing to ask."

I looked away from him. "This stays between you and I. No one can know."

"Why because you filed a false police report?"

"No, because he protected me and I'm protecting him."

My nurse, Glenda, couldn't have walked in at a better time. She was all smiles as she said hello to both of us before informing me that it was time for my twenty minute walk. She helped me out of the bed and over to the bathroom. I went in and did my business before I stepped back out very slowly. Rob was looking at me as Glenda put her arm out and I took it with both my hands.

"When I get back you better not be here."

* * *

Glenda and I had just passed my room for the second time when a familiar face approached us from down the hall. Glenda smiled up at him when he asked if he could take me for my last round. She told us she wouldn't be far behind as we slowly began our walk. Every step I took sent shocks throughout my body but I needed to be up and moving. It was the only way to get on track.

"You know I just saved your ass."

Jax looked down at me with a curious look. "How so?"

"Rob found a stain in my car."

Jax faced forward and I could feel his arm tense up. "I had grabbed so many towels I thought it would have been good. I guess not."

"Don't worry about him. He likes to talk a big game but he never says or does anything. He more or less just wants to talk some sense in me."

"And did he?"

"Of course not. I'm stubborn, mostly whatever he says goes in one ear and right out the other."

"I'm sure he loves that."

"He deals with me, so he must."

We slowly turned the corner and I put my right hand on my back to support my posture. All I wanted to do was take a seat now.

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm holding in. Get out in a few days, recovery is about a month at home."

"You'll be able to withstand sitting in your home and doing nothing for a month?"

I shook my head. "Hopefully I'll be doing desk work in a few weeks. I need to get back on the case now that my bitch assistant DA has taken it over."

"Not a huge fan?"

"You don't want to cross her path, she'll bring you down with everything she has."

"Then I'm sure you can trust that it's all in good hands."

"Not if she finds out about SAMCRO."

"You think she will?"

"No…I don't know really…All I do know is she's good. She finds things that normal people wouldn't look for. Just watch your trail. And I got in touch with Pope."

Jax's head whipped towards me. "What?"

"Well he called me. Said he heard about my incident and was wondering if the offer was still on the table with the Sons. I told him I need you all a little bit longer and that I could possibly get his guy out. He seemed interested. He's going to call me back in a few days."

"Wow, you are good."

I smiled. "I'm the very best."

We fell into a silence as we rounded another corner, continuing down the hallway that held my room at the very end. I self-consciously placed my hand on my stomach before suddenly remembering that there was no baby. Jax had noticed.

"You can always try again, right?"

"I can't have babies anymore." Jax didn't say anything and I knew he understood what I was saying. During surgery they had to remove everything and now I was left with nothing and my hopes of ever starting a family fell to zero. I was never going to be a mother. "Can you believe they haven't even said anything about the baby yet? Not even Rob. And I know they know. It just shows me how much it's affecting him."

"If he stops loving you for you then he's out of his mind."

"It's not so much that but more or less how I feel…I'll never give a child to anyone whether it is Rob or not. I'm useless."

"If you honestly think that then you are out of your mind as well."


	11. Apologies

In the last week, everything had changed.

I was currently laying on one of the couches in the SAMCRO clubhouse trying my hardest not to think about how many club members had been laid on this particular couch. I became disgusted and pushed myself up and leaned against it. Opie looked over at me from the chair he was sitting on and handed me some medicine and a glass of water.

"Are you okay, Rowan?"

I shrugged. "I'll be fine."

"Has he ever hit you before?"

I shook my head. "No, last night was the first time."

Opie looked down at his feet. "Fucking bastard, I can't believe he put a hand on you."

"It's really not a big deal."

"How can you say that's not a big deal, Rowan? You're lucky I didn't kill that guy. If anyone finds out, if Jax finds out, that precious fiancé of yours will be six feet under."

"He's been stressed. He honestly didn't mean it. Rob just never acts like that. He must have been pushed over the edge. It'll be fine. I just have to give it time to blow over and then when I go back home it'll all be okay."

"You are in straight up denial right now."

"No I'm not. You are just blowing this up when it doesn't need to be."

"How can I not? First of all you have a sketchy fiancé that you forgot to mention to me. Secondly, a little more than a week ago we get a call that you've been stabbed multiple times. And thirdly, I get a call close to midnight last night with you hysterically crying because said fiancé, in which I repeat is sketchy, hit you. I think I have everything right."

I rolled my eyes. "You don't have to worry about me so much, Op."

"You don't get to make that call."

Suddenly, the clubhouse doors open and in walked in the rest of the gang. I connected eyes with Opie and mouthed _don't tell_ as Piney strolled in a shocked expression on his face when he saw me.

"Rowan? What are you doing here?"

I slowly stood up and accepted his hug. "I uh, I had some issues at home. Being in the house and all…It kind of freaked me out too much."

"Understandable. You are more than welcome to stay at the house with me."

"I was hoping I could."

"Yeah, I would love the company."

I smiled at him. "Thanks, Pop."

He returned the smile. "Anything for you, Miss. Rowan."

For the next hour or so I spent my time talking with Tig, Juice, Happy and Bobby who were overly interested about my life, wanting to know everything. I left some things out but mostly I answered what I could. If I was going to be spending some time in Charming I wanted SAMCRO to like me and not hate me. Plus I knew they were all curious about what my life turned into after I left Charming.

"How many stiches you got?" Juice asked.

"Too many," I said as I readjusted myself on the bar chair.

"You're a crazy chick, I hope you know that," Bobby told me.

"Yeah, I know. They are going to have to try a lot harder next time to kill me."

"Well we would never want that," Bobby responded.

I smirked. "I'm sorry guys but I can no longer sit. I have to take a walk."

"You want me to walk with you?" Tig asked.

I shook my head. "No, I need to talk to Gemma."

No one said a word as I walked toward the clubhouse doors and out. It took me a little bit to get over to Gemma's office and I knocked once on her door before she looked up at me from her desk. I swallowed the lump in my throat as she gestured for me to come in.

"Jesus, sit," she said and pointed to the couch.

"Yeah, thanks," I replied and took a seat. We spent a good minute or two staring at each other until I spoke again. "I'm sorry Gemma, for everything. I've never gotten the chance to thank you for everything you did for me when I was here. I wanted to tell you that I was planning to leave but I knew you wouldn't want me too. And I also knew that out of everyone I would easily be convinced by you to stay. Not to say that it was a bad thing but I just…I was so ready to go that I was so afraid to hear someone to tell me to stay. I tried to tell myself that no one wanted me here. That I wasn't good for Charming, that there was a better life for me somewhere else."

"You obviously proved that point."

I sighed. "You don't have to accept my apology Gemma, or even like me. But I just wanted you to know that I'm thankful. And that I'm sorry."

She moved on from the subject and in her way it was of moving forward. "I heard you were pregnant…That really sucks."

I shrugged. "I suppose there could be worse things."

"Why are you here?"

"My fiancé hit me last night."

"He hit you?"

"Yeah. He thinks I'm getting back with Jax."

"He does seem to have a keen eye for you again," she said as she stood up and took the seat next to me on the couch. She placed her hand on my knee. "If you cause an uproar with my son or SAMCRO in general I will make it my life long duty to end you."

I smiled over at her. "I got it."

"You want some coffee?"

"Yeah, that'd be good."

* * *

"You're kids are cute, I can't believe I waited this long to meet them."

Opie looked over at me from his seat at his kitchen table. "Yeah, they are good. They get along with Piper really well. Everyone seems happy."

I wanted to address the elephant in the room but I knew I couldn't. I had found out all those years ago when Opie's wife, Donna, had been killed but couldn't find it in myself to call or show for the funeral. I regretted not doing anything for Opie but I had figured it was better to stay away. I had hurt Opie when I left and I didn't want to hurt him even more by showing up at the worst possible time. But Opie seemed happy with Lyla. She was nice and pretty and I could tell that Opie loved her. He deserved to be happy with all the shit he's been through.

"Lyla's nice too."

"She's good to me. I don't deserve her."

"I'm pretty sure she doesn't deserve you."

He smiled. "Thanks sis."

I smiled back. "This feels nice. Just hanging out, catching up."

"Yeah, you should stick around."

"Who would have known that even with all the years I'd been gone I'd still end up back here."

"Charming is like a drug."

"You're telling me."

Lyla came into the dining room and plopped down in the seat next to Opie. "Kids are asleep, finally. They wouldn't stop talking about you, Rowan."

"I like them. I would love to hang out with them again."

"You should come over tomorrow. They have a half day of school. I was planning to pick them up and take them for some lunch. We could pick you up on the way."

"I would love that, Lyla. Thank you."

"No problem, plus I would like to hang out with you too since you're Op's sister and all."

"So I can tell you a bunch of embarrassing stories about Opie?"

Opie put his hand up. "This conversation ends now."

Lyla and I both laughed as we continued to talk for another hour or so before Opie drove me to Piney's. There were a few lights on as I knocked on the front door before entering. Piney was hanging out in the living room and I watched the news with him before going to take a shower. It was hard to wear t-shirts so I was stuck wearing button down shirts until I could lift a shirt over my head. I unbuttoned the last button before dropping the shirt on the floor. In the shower I was careful of the three skin tight bandages on my abdomen as I washed my hair and cleaned my body.

I was brushing my hair on my bed when I heard a light knock on my window. I would have been scared if I hadn't heard that noise before. I stood up and walked over to the window. I opened it and saw Jax.

"My God, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"Can I come in?"

"You can't come sneaking into my window! This isn't ten years ago, Jax Teller."

"Just let me in."

I huffed before I moved out of the way. Jax put his legs in first before sliding in with such ease. Butterflies started to form in the pit of my stomach as I remembered moments like these years and years ago when I would pretend to be sleeping, I'd hear the knock on my window, and Jax would come in spending the night with me where we would talk about our hopes and dreams. And every moment he fell for me and every moment I knew I would eventually break his heart.

"Shit, this place hasn't changed."

"The old man obviously never got around to it," I replied as I plopped down on the bed.

"You look nice," he said and pointed to my ensemble. I was currently wearing one of Rob's button down shirts. It was one of the longer ones and covered most of my ass but I wasn't expecting anyone in my room tonight.

"It's the only thing I can wear. I can't seem to get a shirt over my head. Hurts to stretch."

Jax sat down next to me on the bed. "When should that end?"

"Few more days. Plus I don't want the stiches to open. My doctor told me it happens pretty often if you work too much."

"Well if anything happens, Tara should be around."

"Yeah, she'd be my first call."

We sat in silence and I wondered why he was here. "I can't have sex…I mean if that's why you're here. I can't physically do it."

Jax seemed appalled. "You really think I'm here for sex?"

"Well I don't know. It seemed like a reason."

He shook his head. "I'm not a complete asshole, Rowan. I would never do that to you."

"So then why are you here?"

"I don't know."

"Well you try to figure that out while I try to get some sleep," I responded as I lied down and pulled one of the blankets from the end of the bed over my body. It took less than a minute for Jax to lie down next to me.

"You're getting all inside my head, Rowan. You're making me think things I shouldn't."

"Stop it."

"I can't. You're all that's on my mind."

"You have Tara."

"But I want you."

"Shut your mouth."

And he does and even though I try to sleep all I can think about is Jax and how he stays with me all night long and that I'm afraid to admit that I've been unhappy in my own relationship. Maybe the stars have aligned, maybe it was fate…Or maybe, just maybe this was exactly how it was supposed to be. The moments of the past becoming the present. And Jax slowly finding his way into my future.


	12. Lending a Helping Hand

**Wow. Thank you so much for all the positive responses to the last chapter. Plus all the new favorites and followers. It means a lot to me that people are actually enjoying this story. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's all about to get pretty crazy soon (: **

* * *

_He was smiling. "Stop looking for us." _

_I could feel the stabs to my abdomen as the first one went in, the second, the third. I fell to the ground, blood beginning to pool around me. I had grabbed a blanket from the couch placing it on my stomach and applying as much pressure as I could. I had to get to a phone but I knew I would never make it. I was dying right here. So many things left unsaid. So many things I still wanted to do in my life. I was supposed to be a mother and now all of that was being taken away from me. I closed my eyes, waiting for death to come. _

"Rowan, wake up. Jeez, Rowan!"

My eyes shot open, my breathing heavy as I took in my surroundings. Jax was looking down at me, worry in his eyes, as I slowly began to sit up. I wasn't dead. I was alive. God, that nightmare was getting annoying.

"Sorry," I said. "Same nightmare."

"I didn't know what to do. You were scaring me."

I turned away from him. "Yeah, sorry."

We were silent. "You're bleeding."

I looked down and noticed a hint of blood appearing through my shirt. I sighed. "I have some bandages and things in my bag over there. Can you get it for me?"

"Sure," he replied as he stood up from the bed and over to my bag. He pulled out the brown bag I was talking about and walked over, plopping down next to me. "How do we know if it's the stitches?"

"I guess we'll find out," I replied as I began to unbutton my shirt. Jax gave me a curious look. "What? You've seen me naked…This is nothing."

The Jax Teller signature smirk came across his face as I stood up in front of him. It was the bandage underneath my belly button and I slowly pulled it back.

"You might want to look away," I warned Jax. "This might be nasty."

"I've seen worse." I didn't doubt that as I continued to pull the rest of the bandage off. It had been a few stitches.

"Great," I said. "Looks like I'll need Tara after all."

"No problem. I can give her a call."

I stared at him as if he had five heads while I took some gauze from his hand and began patting around the wound. "Are you insane? What are you going to call her and say that you slept with your ex in her childhood home? I can just see how she'll take it and Piney too if he knew you were here."

"Piney won't do shit."

I glared at him. "Don't go there. Just go out the way you came in and I'll call Tara. I'll be fine without you."

"What if I don't want to leave you?"

"I don't care what you want. You are acting like a love struck teenage boy and I can't take it. You are with Tara. You have a son. I'm engaged and mentally scarred. I can never have kids Jax, like ever. Be with Tara, the woman who can give you kids. Don't get caught up in my shit."

It was true that somewhere in my heart and mind I knew I wasn't completely happy with Rob but just because being in Jax's company made me feel ten times happier didn't mean I should tear up his relationship with Tara. I knew Tara wanted out of Charming but I also knew it was probably because Jax was giving her zero attention. He knew Tara was his old lady and that she'd be there at the end of the day. Yet that wasn't a relationship. Maybe if I could get it through his mind that he needed to be there for Tara and not me then maybe Tara would see some sort of silver lining for her and Jax. If Tara stayed with Jax then I wouldn't have the dreaded repeat of what happened with Jax and me when I left all those years ago.

"You can't try and tell me how I should feel, Rowan. You don't get to make that decision for me."

"Maybe not but I can tell you when you're being a straight up idiot," I said as I walked toward the window. I stared at him, waiting for him to leave.

Jax walked toward me, stopping in front of the window, and connecting his eyes with mine. "Why are you doing this?"

"Look at your life Jax and look at mine. Since when does a Son and a District Attorney ever work out?"

"I don't know. They never made a movie on that yet."

I rolled my eyes. "Jax, you have a wonderful family. It's time you start to see that."

"You were my family, Rowan…And then you left me."

I nodded. "Yes I did, Jax. And I'm going to have to do it again."

He shook his head. "No you don't. You are just doing what's right for everyone else and not what is right for you." And then he slid out of the bedroom window.

* * *

"Thank you for coming, I didn't think this would happen."

Tara was finishing up the last stitch and looked up with a smile. "It's no problem, Rowan. I always have a kit at home. I never know when I'm going to get called to the clubhouse for something."

"I bet," I said as she placed a bandage over the wound, taping it tightly. "How are things at home?"

"Still bad," she replied. "I was able to find some hospitals that are looking for transfers. I had found them a few days ago but I didn't want to bother you with anything considering your situation."

"You're really serious about this?" I asked as I pulled down my shirt.

Sadness flashed across her face as Tara pulled off the pair of gloves she had used and threw them in the garbage. She sat down next to me at Piney's dining room table placing her head in her hands. I could hear her sobs.

"Jesus, Tara, is it that bad?" I asked as I placed my hand on her back.

"He doesn't love me anymore, Rowan," she said through sobs. "I'm just the woman he comes home too but I know about all the other women he has been screwing around with." I gulped. _I was one of them. _"I'm just the old lady who takes all his shit. I have no say in anything. He leaves me all the time, never tells me where he's going. He comes home to spend time with Abel but not me. He does nothing with me. I can't even remember the last time he kissed me without forcing it. I'm just so unhappy."

"Tara, why did you never tell me this before?"

She looked up at me as tears rolled down her face. "How could I? I was so embarrassed. It is all so mortifying. I came back, Rowan. I came back to be with him. I knew what I was getting into and yet I'm still so unhappy with my decision. I thought I was supposed to be with Jax but I've slowly realized that I'm not. I hate that I have to hurt him but after doing everything for him I know I have to do something for me."

Wow. This conversation sounded familiar. It had only been an hour ago when Jax was in this very house, in the room only a few feet away as he babbled on to me about doing things for myself. Yet the real thing was, I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't want to go back home and face Rob, that's something I didn't want. I didn't want to have feelings for Jax but they were forming anyway. What I really truly wanted to do was go back to work and drown all my thoughts with information on the case but I was on medical leave and I was barely informed on anything. _Thanks so much Jaclyn Riddle, stupid bitch_.

"No, you should do what is best for you. I'm still going to help you, Tara. I just wanted to make sure that you really wanted to do this. That you know all the outcomes and that you're ready for this."

She nodded. "I'm ready to go. I'm ready to move on."

"Okay," I replied. "Now tell me about these transfer options."

* * *

**Rowan. I am sorry. Please come home. We need to talk. **I stared down at my new text message from Rob as Lyla and I pulled up to the local school. Kids were rushing out, very excited about their half day, and in the distance I could see Ellie, Kenny, and Piper. I threw my phone in my bag ignoring Rob's desperate plea. I was going home when I was ready.

"Hey guys, how was school?" Lyla asked the kids as they all piled into the backseat.

"Great!" Piper shouted. "Hey, Aunt Rowan!"

"What's up kids? Are you guys as hungry as I am?"

"I'm probably hungrier than you. I could get a horse!" Kenny stated.

"Damn, you are hungry. I don't think I could eat a horse." Kenny laughed and I winked at Ellie who was obviously annoyed by her two brothers.

The kids kept up most of the chatter while Lyla drove to the one local diner in Charming. It was crowded with other parents taking their children out for lunch and we had to wait for a table. About twenty minutes later all five of us were crowded in a booth where we talked about school, what the kids liked to do for fun, and how Piper and Kenny were convinced that Ellie had a boyfriend. I could see how embarrassed she was as she threw them dirty looks and they laughed and laughed. I defended her, knowing what it was like to be a young girl and looking at boys in a different way. We ate our lunch before heading back to the house. It was beautiful out and the kids decided to play in the backyard while Lyla and I sat around the table talking. I was curious as to how much Lyla knew about Opie and SAMCRO. I had done my snooping when I was still around and Jax had confided in me a lot when we were "together" for our short time.

"So how is Opie?"

"He's good," she responded with a smile. "He gets stressed pretty easy though. He has a lot on his plate."

"I bet," I replied. "But anyone can tell how madly in love he is with you."

She smiled again. "I'm in love with him too. We have our fights like any other married couple though. He isn't a huge fan of my job and he's asked me numerous times to stop doing porn but I want to put my two cents in when it comes to paying the bills. Op is very big on paying for everything with his money, money that he has worked for. I get that I do, but I want to help."

"I'm sure Op means well."

"He does, I know he does…But…" I could tell she was hesitating about something.

"What?" I asked.

She sighed. "We're struggling. Sometimes we have enough money to last us the week and sometimes we barely have any. It's hard. The kids are so young and I can't have them worry especially Kenny and Ellie. They've already been through so much. I try to talk to some of the girls at work but they don't understand. I'm scared, Rowan. I'm scared of what will happen when I look at our accounts and realize we don't have enough money to pay for the mortgage. It's all scary."

"Why hasn't Opie gone to the club? The club always helps family."

"He's Op, he's too proud. He doesn't want anyone's charity."

I shook my head. "He should ask. There is nothing wrong with that."

"I don't know Rowan, I don't know what to do."

I kept quiet before asking where the bathroom was. I went into the house and right to my purse where I pulled out my checkbook. I had money and I knew giving some to my brother and his family would do nothing to my accounts but would mean everything to theirs. I wrote out a check and shoved it in my back pocket before heading back outside. I told the kids that it was time I go and gave them each a hug.

"Rowan, do you need a ride? I wouldn't mind."

I waved Lyla off. "It's fine. TM isn't a far walk and I need the exercise."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," I said as I gave her a tight hug. I pulled back and placed the check in her hand. "Don't say a word, Lyla. I want you to take this. Don't tell Opie if you have to. I want to help."

Lyla looked down at the check, her jaw dropping. "Rowan, I can't…"

"I don't want to hear it. Don't do it for yourselves but do it for the kids."

A tear rolled down from her face. "Thank you, Rowan."

* * *

Everyone was at the clubhouse when I finally walked in. It had taken me about a half hour from Opie's house and I was tired. I knew that was probably _too_ much walking but I figured it couldn't hurt. However, I did want some serious pain killers.

"DA is here!" Tig shouted and I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously? Are you going to say that every time I walk in?"

Tig shrugged. "I don't know. I gotta warn everyone, you might be here to arrest us."

"I'm on medical leave, Tig. I don't have the power to arrest you."

"I feel like you have the power to do anything."

I smiled as I took a seat at the bar with him. "That could possibly be true."

Opie walked up to us and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, sis, how is everything?"

"Everything is good. Just came from your house. I had a great time."

"Oh did Lyla drop you off?"

"No, I walked."

"You walked?"

"I needed the fresh air," I replied as I stood up. "Where's Jax at?"

"Back room," Opie responded. "Wait, you really walked? Lyla didn't drive you?"

"No biggie," I said as I ignored him and walked down the hallway. The room that Jax has always had was in the back and the door was closed. I could hear the shower running so I opened the door and stepped in.

It looked the same with clothes everywhere, the smell of sex always lingering, and a stack of journals piled up on the desk. That was the one thing I had always adored about Jax. The bad biker loved to journal. I picked one up and flipped through the pages. I put it down quickly since I didn't want to pry into his personal life. I wondered where the journal he was using nowadays was. His cut was on the bed, and with the shower still running, I picked it up and saw it. I debated on whether or not I should pick it up. Of course I wanted to know the inner most thoughts of Jax Teller but I figured I probably already knew them. My chance to pick up the journal fell to nothing when I heard the shower turn off. I began to freak out. I didn't know where to stand, or if I should sit on the bed. Oh God, that would be creepy.

Suddenly, the door opened and I zipped around to see Jax standing in a towel.

"Well aren't you lucky."

I swallowed hard. "Not the first time I've been in this predicament."

Jax smirked as he stepped into the room and over to the dresser. "You could have joined me if you were only ten minutes earlier."

"Oh what a shame."

Jax glanced back at me. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know."

He pulled out a pair of jeans before turning to face me. "Well you try to figure that out while I change."

I smiled at him. He was clever, and sexy, and I really had no idea why I was there. But seeing Jax in a towel…Well that made up for everything.


	13. Backfire

It was all moving so fast. He was on top of me, ripping my clothes off, my whole body was tingling at his touch. My hands were running up and down his muscular chest as he unhooked my bra and threw it on the ground. It was if we had never done this before. We couldn't get enough of each other. I wanted this so badly. I wanted him.

He began to unbutton my jeans and I wiggled out of them before they were thrown to the floor as well. I pulled him down toward me, kissing him, as his fingers intertwined in my hair.

He pulled away. "How badly do you want this?"

"So bad…Please, don't make me wait."

He smirked, that lovely smirk, before his jeans were off and he began to pull of my panties. I had prepared myself for this moment. The moment I would feel him inside of me, knowing it would just be as good as every other time we had been together. I took a quick glance up at him and my stomach churned. I was staring into the eyes of the man who had inflicted so much pain on me. I knew he was smiling when he said, "Stop looking for us."_ Stop looking for us. Stop looking for us. Stop looking for us. _

My eyes shot open as I quickly caught my breath. I rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. Well that was quite the dream. I shook my head back and forth hoping it would somehow leave my brain when the door opened and Jax walked in.

"Hey darlin'," he said with a smile. "You just wake up?"

"Yeah," I replied as I pushed the blanket, that he must have put on me, off and leaned against the bed frame. I glanced at the clock to see it was almost six.

After Jax had changed from his shower he quickly got pulled into some club business. He asked if I would wait around and since I clearly didn't have anything better to do, I did. I had been tempted to read through his journals but decided to get some sleep instead considering I was barely getting any in recent days. I had fell asleep rather quickly where my mind wandered to a sexual fantasy of Jax before turning into the nightmare that I couldn't escape. The man who had attacked me and his voice and words. It was as if I had known that voice all along, but I just couldn't put it to a face.

"We got back like an hour ago. I came in and saw you were sleeping but I didn't want to wake you. It didn't seem like you got much sleep last night," he said before sitting down at the chair next to the desk.

"Yeah, I haven't been sleeping. Too much going on in this head of mine."

"Have you thought about talking to someone?"

"What, like talk to a shrink?" He nodded. "No and yes. I have to go to one to get cleared to go back to work. It's mandatory to make sure I'm not going to go psycho with everything that's happened. I just haven't made the appointment yet."

"Maybe you should do that."

"Yeah, maybe I should do a lot of things," I said as I yawned and turned on my side to see Jax better.

"So the fiancé…He isn't missing you?"

I shrugged. "He knew I couldn't be in the house. Plus it was probably good that we got some space from each other as well."

"Things a little rocky?"

"Ever since he found out about you bringing me to the hospital, yes."

"He's still pissed about that? Why?"

"I don't know. You're a guy. Don't you get pissed when another man takes care of what is yours?"

Jax stared at me and I knew he was thinking deeply about what I had said. He leaned back in the chair and sighed. "I can't say recently I have."

I looked away from him. "What is so wrong with your relationship with Tara?"

"What is so wrong with your relationship with Mr. Professor?"

My jaw dropped slightly. "There is nothing wrong with my relationship. I don't understand why you would say that."

"What you think I'm fucking dumb, Rowan? Like I don't know a bruised lip when I see one?"

Shit. He knew. But how did he know? I didn't think Opie would tell him but then again I barely knew Opie anymore. I had confided in my brother in hopes that my secret was safe with him and I guess it wasn't. Plus my poor skills at trying to cover it up with makeup must have failed miserably.

My voice was barely a whisper. "How did you know?"

"You're a hard ass but I knew you'd be able to stay in your house. It might have been hard but you would have done it. It didn't make sense for you to come out to Charming. I just put it all together." He was good at that.

"It's no big deal."

"No big deal?" He shouted. "Rowan, he laid a hand on you. He hurt you. Don't you realize how messed up that is? Don't you know that it only takes one time for them to keep doing it?"

"I don't need you to tell me how things are going to go in my relationship. Thanks for your concern but I can handle myself."

"Obviously not if you came running back to the only place where you know people are willing to defend you."

Was Jax right? Of course he wasn't. I had come to Charming to stay safe. I had come to Charming because I had nowhere else to go. Oh my…He was right. I knew that Piney, Opie and Jax would all be willing to stand up for me. Probably a few others too. If I had told them all what happened with Rob none of them would even hesitate to go to him. But as much as I didn't want Rob hurt I also wanted to feel protected. In the back of my mind I liked knowing that I had them on my side. And I hated myself for using them in that way.

"I have to go," I stated as I rolled off the bed and grabbed my bag from the floor.

"Wait, Rowan…I didn't mean that."

I turned around and faced Jax. He walked toward me, standing only inches from me. I had never felt so lost and torn in my life. It had felt like only yesterday when Jax had come to my house and we shared such intimacy, all of my previous feelings coming back to me. Jax had always been in my head from that point forward. Jax had suddenly been there for me when I needed someone the most. He saved me from death. He kept me company in the hospital. He was nothing but himself while for the last nine years of my life I have been putting up this charade of who I am and what people expect of me. I suddenly realized how much I regretted leaving him and the pain I caused him. Maybe I didn't want to admit my fears and sadness towards Rob because I didn't want to hurt another person who I loved. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing and praying that I could just disappear from the lives of Jax and Rob's. I didn't want to hurt anyone.

"What are you thinking?" He asked as he pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"I don't want to be a home wrecker."

Jax laughed before he cupped my face in his hands, looking me in the eyes. "You are not a home wrecker."

"I feel like one," I said, pushing his hands away from me. "Jax, Tara is my friend. She has been for years. I always kept in contact with her."

A confused expression crossed over his face. "What?"

"I was in Chicago for a trip and we crossed paths. It happened before she came back to Charming. I mostly talked to her to check up on Piney and Opie."

"She never told me…"

"That's because I told her not too. I didn't want anyone to know. This is a hard situation for me all around." I felt like scum knowing I was helping Tara out of Charming and Jax didn't know. There was an even more added bonus of scum on my conscious as I was helping Tara but spending too much time with Jax. If either one knew the other situations I had placed myself in they would hate me. I would lose them both.

"I'm sorry Rowan, I had no idea."

"I'm going now, Jax."

"Please just stay with me."

I shook my head. "We can't. I'm sorry."

I turned on my heel, opened the door and walked on out of there. It took everything in me to hold my head up high.

* * *

"Wow, it's so good to hear from you."

"It's good to talk to you as well," Detective Eric Benson stated on the other end of the phone. I was sitting Indian style on Piney's couch as he slaved away in the kitchen cooking us dinner. I had gotten a ride from Tig (since I was not asking Jax) and had found my father cooking what he describes as "the best meal you will ever eat." It all smelled great so I wasn't doubting him. I had taken a quick shower and was hanging out in the living room when I got an unexpected phone call from Detective Benson.

"How is everything in Adelaide?"

"It's uh…Pretty intense. Ms. Riddle really knows how to take charge."

I rolled my eyes. God, I hated that bitch. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there. They wouldn't let me come back for shit. I'm out on leave for a month to a month and a half. Even then they don't know if I should jump right back into work. Want me to do desk duty."

"Desk duty? Do they know who they are dealing with?"

I laughed. "Exactly. Now can you tell me anything about what's going on?"

"It is all surprisingly quiet. We kept a bunch people from the house near Oakland that we raided on weapon charges. We are still in the process of going through everything. So far all the guns have been registered to Bryan Kelly and Gerry Hawk, both deceased. I like to think that they got these registered under the fake names to throw us off. We know someone has to be working with them so we are looking into places that sell licenses. Lena Marks has been quiet too."

"Really? She isn't talking?"

"Not since when she talked to you. We haven't seen her in a few days. It's like she vanished. She probably got pulled back in with Marks and Taylor Williams."

"That wouldn't surprise me. I hope she's okay."

"I'll personally keep an eye out for her. I'm sure they are just keeping her hidden so she doesn't spill any more information."

"I hope you're right."

"But besides that we have had no solid leads. It's hard because this Taylor Williams guy is like a made up character to their story. No one has any pictures of the guy or information on where he's from…We went through a database search to see if we could get anything but all the Taylor Williams we found were good men from good backgrounds."

"Maybe it's an alias?"

"Unfortunately that is what we've concluded. Lena Marks was our key and now we're left with nothing. Ms. Riddle keeps pursing parts to this case that aren't even remotely related. It's getting difficult to work with her."

"I'm sorry Eric. Jaclyn goes to the beat of her own drum. I'm going to do my best to get some research in. If I find anything I'll let you know."

"Okay, sounds great. I won't tell if you won't."

I smiled. I really did like Detective Benson. He had been a nice friend to have when I came to Adelaide. "My lips are sealed. I'll keep in touch. Have a good night."

"You too," he responded before I hung up my phone.

The racket in the kitchen was at an ultimate high and instead of lounging on the couch I figured I should make sure my father was still alive. He was pouring the pasta into a strainer when I walked in and he gave me an annoyed look.

"It's almost done."

"You didn't have to go overboard Pops."

"It's not every day you're in town."

I figured I shouldn't fight him on that one. I sat down at the table, pouring each of us a glass of iced tea. We talked casually before he brought a salad, a loaf of bread, and the bowl of spaghetti. It was tossed in a garlic butter sauce with shrimp and broccoli. I was quite impressed.

"Jesus, when did you learn how to cook this?" I asked as I went for seconds.

"I saw it on one of those cooking shows. It's pretty good right?"

"It's awesome."

"I could give you the recipe if you want."

I smiled. How did I hurt this man all those years ago? "I'd love that."

After dinner I did the dishes while he set up a movie for us to watch in the living room. I was tired but I wanted to spend as much as time with him as I could. I had no idea when I was going to go back home but I knew it would be soon. I couldn't leave Rob forever. He needed some answers just as much as I did. My father ended up falling asleep midway through the movie so I turned the TV off and placed a blanket over him before going to get ready for bed myself.

A little while later, I was curled up on the bed when I heard the familiar knock. I had kept the window unlocked and I heard it slide open. He was next to me in seconds. He placed his hand lightly on my stomach and I suddenly felt at peace. As if I had been waiting for him all along to show up and make everything better.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry too."

"Things with Tara have been hard. I just…I finally feel like myself again when I'm with you. I feel like it's all worth it."

I closed my eyes and took his hand in mine, interlocking our fingers. "This is the last time you sneak into my room."

"Uh huh, sure it is."

* * *

"Where is she?!"

I woke with a start. Jax was still asleep next to me and I began to panic. All I needed was for my brother to come barging into this room to see me sleeping with his best friend. I figured my best move was to head out into the living room to figure out what exactly was going on. Though I knew why Opie was here.

I threw on my robe, checked to make sure Jax was still sleeping, before I opened the door just enough for me to get out. Opie was standing in the living room looking down at Piney with such anger. Jesus, like Piney had anything to do with this.

Opie turned around when he heard me. "What the fuck is this?" He threw the check in my face. I guess I was expecting this. I picked it up seeing my signature and the box clearly marked for $10,000.

"Lyla said you guys were struggling. I figured I could help."

"I don't need your damn help, Rowan. I know how to supply for my family."

"Op, I'm your sister. Not the fucking club. When I hear that you are having difficulty paying the bills all I could think about was the kids. I did it for the kids."

"You don't think I do what I do for my kids?" He shouted and I knew for sure Jax was probably up by now hearing the ass whipping I was getting from my big ole brother.

"I never said you didn't. Look, Op, you don't have to take it if you don't want too. I was just trying to help that's all."

"Yeah, you just keep trying to help Rowan. How about you stay out of my life, and my family's life as well."

I could feel the tears start to form in my eyes. I had no idea why Opie was taking this so far. All I had tried to do was help. I didn't think it was the end of the world.

"Opie, what the fuck are you on? Do you realize how crazy you sound right now?"

Opie couldn't respond as I heard my bedroom door open. Fuck. Opie looked behind me with a smirk forming on his face. "Real fucking good Rowan. Way to go."

"Opie, seriously, what's the matter?" Jax asked, stepping in front of me. I could only imagine what Piney was thinking about what was unfolding in front of him.

"What's the matter? What the fuck are you doing with my sister, Jax? What about Tara? What about your goddamn son?"

"Opie, this isn't about me! Rowan, was only trying to help with the money. She knew you wouldn't take any help from the club so she was trying to do her part." Jax had no idea about me giving Lyla and Opie money. So he was taking my side. He was sticking up for me, just like I clearly wanted. Oh God, I just wanted to leave.

Opie looked down at his feet before back at Jax and me. "Both of you can go to hell." Then he was storming out of there, Jax hot on his trail.

"Opie!" Jax was shouting as he swung the porch door open and bounded down the front porch steps.

I finally took a glance over at my father who was sitting on the couch, staring off into space. I hated myself. I hated that he just had to see that. I hated that even now he knew something was up with Jax.

He eventually spoke. "You want some spaghetti for breakfast?"

I almost laughed until I realized he was serious. Was this my life?

* * *

**Hope you all liked (: **


	14. Unexpected Surprise

**I know I haven't posted in days but I have finally come up with something that I liked. I am also still trying to digest the season finale of Sons. I am still in shock but I think we all saw that ending coming. As I still mourn, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's about to get intense! **

* * *

I didn't feel like getting out of bed. First of all I was in a lot of pain. All the stress of my issues with Rob and being in Charming were getting too much to bare. It wasn't good for my wellbeing. Secondly, I needed the rest. My doctor had told me that I shouldn't be doing much for the first few weeks that I was home and I've done way more than I should. Thirdly, I was pissed. I was pissed at my brother for barging in and causing a scene in front of Pops and I was pissed at Jax for thinking he needed to intervene and come to my rescue. It was none of his business. It was between Op and I and now because Jax always wanted to be the hero I was currently feeling like the lowest piece of shit for trying to do a good deed. I was second guessing my attempt to help my brother and allowing Jax to come into my room last night. All I wanted was out of Charming but I didn't want to go back to Palisades and I definitely didn't know who to ask to take me to the location that I still hadn't decided on. I figured if I stayed in this room it would eventually give me the answer to all my questions about life. I was hoping. But I was still clueless.

There was a light tap on the door and it slowly opened. Piney looked in at me and pushed the rest of the door open with his foot.

"You're turning into your old lady with this depressed mood of yours."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh thanks Pops."

He shrugged. "Do you talk to her?"

"Not in about five years. She was never a mother to me."

"And I was a good enough father?"

"Was I a good enough daughter?" I countered. "I left you remember."

"For a good reason."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to get the hell out of that bed. I'm heading to the clubhouse and I want you to come with me. I can't watch you from there and I want to make sure you're okay."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"Well you're getting one. I'm leaving in ten and you better be ready. It won't be too bad. We are having a big dinner of some sorts. Gemma's doing all the cooking."

"If I come do I have to be sociable?"

"It's not necessary."

"Great, I'll be ready in ten."

I freshened up in the bathroom and was ready before my father. I wasn't particularly up for a motorcycle ride so we took the truck instead. Everyone was there when we showed up and I felt like throwing up. Tara's car was there as was Jax's bike and I could already feel the awkwardness that would come out of tonight. I was the worst person.

I caught Tig's eye when I walked in and said, "Don't you dare."

He smirked as he walked up to me and threw his arm around me. "I'm sorry Rowan, I swear I won't say anything."

"Thanks. You're alright Tig."

"I better be. I'm of the few who still loves you."

I could have effortlessly rolled my eyes but I decided not to because I knew Tig was right. Sure I was being invited into the SAMCRO clubhouse but that didn't mean anyone here liked me. I knew that. I could easily point out a few people around here who were giving me the look of death including Opie. But I learned a long time ago to block out what others think about you. It was important to do just you. I wasn't bothered by the stares I was getting except of course for the one.

"You shouldn't."

Tig leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Guess I just can't help myself."

I smiled at him and he asked me what he could get me to drink. While Tig went off to get me a beer I went up to Gemma who was running around the kitchen like a crazy old lady.

"Can I help you with something?"

"You sure you should be doing anything?"

I shrugged. "Probably not but I offered."

She glanced at me before pointing to the huge pot on the stove. "It's chili. Mix it would ya?"

I nodded and grabbed the ladle from the counter. I began stirring while Gemma was behind me cutting up lettuce. I wasn't sure what I could say to Gemma. I had already apologized to her but I still felt like she deserved more. My mom hadn't been a mom but Gemma had.

"What's going on with Jax?"

"Nothing," I responded.

"Bull shit," she said as she stood next to me. "I don't know what's going on but something is definitely up. You do realize he has Tara right?"

"Of course I realize that! Look Gemma, I don't know what the fuck is going on. I've tried to get him to stay away but he keeps coming back. And I know that isn't a good excuse but I don't know what else to say."

Gemma sighed. "I know that Jax and Tara haven't had a great last few months but I know there is something more with Tara. If she leaves him he'll be destroyed. He may not treat her great now but she is his rock. If she leaves he will be lost. I hate to tell ya sweetheart but you're the distraction. You are familiar ground. You are making it too easy for him."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I know. I want to leave but I just can't go home."

"If that fiancé of yours lays his hand on you again then is he really worth it?"

"How can you say that? Clay has laid his hand on you."

"I deserved it. Did you deserve it?"

"I must have."

"I guess we accept the love we think we are supposed to receive."

"We both must be a little fucked up then."

Gemma smirked. "Well if that's all that's wrong with me then I must be doing something right."

* * *

Hours had passed and I was tired, in pain, and unhappy. There was a reason why I left Charming and it became clear tonight. I wasn't a part of this lifestyle. I was the district attorney and I did not belong here. As every crow eater, hangaround, and member of SAMCRO walked into the clubhouse I felt more and more out of place and soon enough I had wandered outside and to the playground that was meant for Abel, and found the silence I needed. At least if I was being judged or spoken about I wouldn't have to hear it.

"Bad habit?"

I looked up from my spot on the swing and saw Opie. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say him.

"What this?" I asked as I gestured to the cigarette I had in my hand. I hadn't had a smoke in months and when I found a pack on the bar I took three.

"Isn't that illegal?" He asked as he took the swing next to me and pulled out his own cigarette. Always the hypocrite.

"Illegal in what sense?"

"In the sense that you're a district attorney."

I smiled slightly. "I don't think what I do to my own body has any say in my job."

He shrugged. "It's bad for you."

"I could say the same thing."

We were both quiet as we slowly swung back and forth. I thought about the swing set in the backyard of Piney's house and how it had been mine and Opie's oasis. It was where we went when our parents were fighting and seemed to be the only place where their screaming voices were muffled enough that we could hear our own thoughts. On nights when it was real bad, Opie used to take me as far as he could and sit me down in front of him, tell me to look just at him, and cover my ears. As we grew older though Opie didn't care as much. When our parents fought he let me handle it myself. But I still found myself doing the same thing. Hiding out, covering my own ears, and trying my hardest to picture my life without any of them. It eventually came true.

"I'm sorry about this morning," he said finally. "I overreacted. It was my fault. I understand that you were just trying to help."

"No, I get it. I overstepped and I'm sorry for that too."

"You didn't overstep. You heard that your brother and his family were in a tough situation and you did what you thought was right. You've always had a good heart Rowan, anyone can agree."

I chuckled. "Seriously? I'm pretty sure everyone here is waiting for the right time to kill me."

"Half these people don't know who you are. As long as you mean something to Piney and me, you'll be fine."

I took a drag of my cigarette and blew the smoke out into rounded circles. A trick I had picked up in my dark days. "So, what is going on with you?"

Op glanced away. "Ya know, it's rough. SAMCRO scrambles to make their money. Lyla tries but I hate the whole porn thing. I thought once we got married she'd stop but she only seems to want to do it more. I don't know. I know money isn't everything but I'd like to give my kids what they want. I'd like to have that extra cash to have some support…It's just not happening for me."

"Guess you just have to have the faith that something will pick up for SAMCRO among all the violence."

"Death surrounds this club."

I stood up and looked down at my brother. "I know you do it for your kids, Op. I know you do." I reached in my back pocket and pulled out the check. I placed it in his hand. "Take it. It's for the kids."

I was surprised by what happened next. Opie stood up and wrapped his arms around me. I hadn't hugged Opie like this since we were kids when innocence was key and our naïve nature ruled out. He kissed my forehead before he pulled away.

"Thank you Rowan."

"No need for thanks."

I walked away, hoping I could go into the clubhouse and convince Piney to take me home, when Unser's truck pulled into the lot. He had someone else along with him and when I saw just who it was I stopped in my tracks. The party had gravitated outside and there was a large crowd. I didn't want whatever happened between Rob and me to have an audience. Especially not a SAMCRO audience.

"Someone has been looking for you, Rowan," Wayne stated as he approached me. I respected Unser but right about now I was furious. I wished I had spoken to him about Rob just in case something like this did happen he wouldn't bring him to me. But I never thought Rob would have the guts to show up in Charming.

Rob rushed toward me and threw his arms around me, but unlike Opie's hug I wanted nothing more than to push him away.

"Rob, what are you doing?" I asked, still shocked.

"Rowan, you haven't answered any of my calls. I'm here to bring you home where you should be."

"I don't want to go home."

Rob glared down at me. "Rowan, don't act like this. You hate this place. You've told me a million times. Now let's get your stuff and go home so you can rest."

What happened next was even more surprising than Opie's hug. Jax was by my side in an instinct and I watched as his fist came into contact with Rob's jaw.

"Jax!" I shouted as Rob stumbled backwards. I knew Rob wouldn't back down from a fight but the last thing I needed was for a brawl outside of TM…Especially a brawl over me.

"You have a lot of fucking nerve showing up here!" Jax spat as Opie and Tig pulled him back.

"You want to say that to my face?" Rob countered. "She's my fiancé, asshole."

"Rob!" I shouted and smacked my hand on his chest causing him to look down at me. "You shut up. You have no business here."

"I swear to God, Rowan, I am taking you home. These are a bunch of fucking animals."

His words hurt but I knew he was right. I left for a reason. I left because I knew I was so much better and that made me feel bitter and worthless. I had enjoyed the last few days even if they were met with ups and downs. I had actually been happy as if all along I had been missing this part of my life. A life that I gave up on but for some reason needed to keep moving. I loved everyone and I had missed them. They meant something to me. Yet I knew I couldn't stay here. It would only cause more problems and I didn't want that for SAMCRO. I needed to focus on getting better, getting back to work, and making sure I protected SAMCRO in any way I could even if they didn't want the protection. Piney, Opie, Jax…They were important to me.

Jax was lunging for Rob again when I stepped in his way, protecting the other man I loved in ways that even I couldn't wrap my head around.

"Jax…Just don't."

Jax stared at me, his eyes seething, as I made my decision that I no longer could make it easy for him. It was time for me to go. I went to straight toward Piney who looked terrible. I wanted to cry right there but I just couldn't.

"I'll pick up my stuff at the house, it was nice to spend time with you."

"Yeah," he replied never looking me in the eye. "Goodbye."

Gemma was next to him, holding my bag, and I went to grab it but she pulled it back along with me. She stared at me and spoke loud enough for just us to hear it. "Use it if you must."

I swallowed hard as she dropped her grip on my bag and I took it in my hand, feeling the weight inside, and knowing what she had given me. I nodded at her and went to Unser's truck. I didn't bother to look at Opie and Jax because those were the two faces that would have killed me the most. I just knew I had to do what was right.

Rob and I were out of Charming only a half hour later and he was holding my hand tightly as he apologized over and over for his behavior and went on and on about how lonely he had been. All I could think about was my need to throw up and if I didn't get out of this car soon I was going to lose it.

We were almost in Palisades when my phone started to ring. I went to grab it but Rob snatched it and I stared at him. Was he really checking to see who it was?

"It's Jaclyn."

I pulled it out of his hands. "Yeah, it's my phone. Thanks for checking."

I answered it and looked out the window. "Hello?"

"Rowan, hey, I'm sure you're glad to hear from me."

"Could have been sooner."

"I figured you would say that…But something has happened and I figured you should hear it from me."

"What happened?"

"Well the Adelaide police department received a 911 call from Detective Benson's house early this afternoon. When police arrived they found Benson's wife in the bedroom…Stabbed to death. She was eight months pregnant."

I couldn't hold back anymore. "Pull over!"

Rob jammed on the breaks, pulling to the side, where I opened the car door and flung myself out. Even when I felt like nothing more would come up I kept heaving as I tried to grasp for air and control my thoughts. What was happening?


	15. Living Dead Girl

**WOW, it's been a while. Anyway, this chapter is dark and kind of depressing. But I figured it was about time Rowan hit a rough patch. I will be back on track with updating as of now!**

* * *

I was depressed. That was easy to see. For the past three weeks I had been lying on the couch, staring at the wall where my blood had once been, and thinking about every mistake I had made in my life. I slept a lot and only got up to use the bathroom. I couldn't even remember the last time I took a shower but even that took too much of my energy. I rarely ate and sometimes when I looked at myself in the mirror I could see how frail and thin I was getting. I didn't care. I didn't seem to care about anything. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I felt like a walking and breathing corpse with no real direction…Just a corpse lying in a room that almost took my life. And with every day that passed I wished I would have died so I wouldn't have to feel so much pain and loss.

Detective Benson took his life. It had been two days after his wife's murder and when no one could reach him they went to his house to find him in the bedroom, a bullet wound to the head, lying in his own pool of blood and the spot where only days prior his wife once lied. I was furious when I found out. I had no idea why anyone would allow Benson to carry his gun after this gut wrenching tragedy that happened to him. I had no idea why no one helped him. I had no idea how something like this could happen.

After my crazed night, in which it was clear I was falling off the deep end, Rob admitted me to the hospital. I had reopened stiches and my mental state was out of control. They kept me for three days before releasing me stating I was just in shock and with time I'd get better. The doctor prescribed me pills for depression and Rob would force me to take them but after he'd leave I would just run to the bathroom and throw them up.

I didn't go to Benson or his wife's funeral. I had no strength. Benson was my friend and I didn't think I could stomach being in the same room with him where his lifeless body was only feet from me. The funeral was huge and Benson and his wife were buried next to each other…At least that is what the news reporter on the TV told me. I stopped watching TV.

I broke my phone the night Rob brought me to the hospital and I have yet to replace it. Jaclyn had been over several times trying to bring me out of my slump but she didn't help. She just talked about the case and how everything was getting insane and she needed me to get better so I could help her. I wasn't planning on getting better and I would curse Jaclyn every time she left the house for taking my spot and doing a horrible job. The case had brought them to an end with the Benson murders. Everything was put to a stop while the town of Adelaide mourned one of most loved detectives on the force. No one knew where to go from there. I guess everyone was just hoping no one else would be murdered on the White Riders behalf.

A lot of the time when I dreamt it was of babies. It disturbed me because it was as if my mind was playing tricks on me since it knew I would never have one. Benson's wife was pregnant. They even had the nursery painted and the crib all put together. It was going to be a girl and they planned on naming her April. But just like my unborn baby she was gone…No chance at a life.

The worst part of all of it was that the baby was buried too, right next to her parents.

Three days later I had a visitor. It was a Saturday and I was sitting up on the couch just holding the bowl of oatmeal that Rob had given me an hour prior. Today I was noticing the blood stains on the wall even though Rob had painted over them while I was in Charming. It was all I could look at and every time I thought of me being the beginning and Sarah Benson being the second and wondering who would be the third I'd run to the bathroom and throw up. It had happened four times so far.

"Rowan, sweetheart, someone is here to see you."

I glared up at Rob. I was growing to hate him. He knew it too. He probably hated me just as much.

I peered around him to see Gemma. I looked away from her quickly. What was she doing here? I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I just wanted to wallow in my own self-pity and eventually just die. I really wanted to die and seeing Gemma made me sad because I knew she was going to help me feel better. But all I wanted was to die.

I leaned toward the coffee table to put the bowl down but I missed and it broke and oatmeal fell all over the floor. Rob hurried toward me and took some napkins and began to clean it up.

"I'll get it," Gemma said. "Why don't you go out for a little? Get some fresh air. I can take care of her."

"I shouldn't leave her alone."

"Just go, really, we'll be fine."

Rob left the living room and Gemma bent down and finished cleaning up my mess. I kept staring at the wall and saw the words getting bloodier and bloodier. Bile rose in my throat and I threw my hand to my mouth. I pushed myself off the couch and ran to the bathroom. Nothing came up and I was just coughing and losing my breath.

"Jesus, Rowan, what happened to you?"

I just started to cry and I wondered how I let myself get to this point. Gemma turned on the shower and picked me up, placing me in the tub. I let the water hit me and I kept on crying. But first I was going to wash all my sorrows away.

* * *

"You look like death."

I lifted the cup of tea I was drinking and put it to my lips. I took a tiny sip and turned to look out the window. We were at the diner only ten minutes from my house. Gemma had left me to shower in which I spent an hour just soaking in the water and warmth. I had felt rejuvenated and after I got into new clean clothes I found Gemma in the living room. She had completely rearranged it, placing the couches in different spots and the coffee table too. She even took the picture frame from the guest bedroom and placed it in the spot that was causing me such pain.

"I figured I'd do your spring cleaning." She had said and I cried then too. She brought me to the couch and brushed my hair and held me tight. And in my heart I knew I was happy she was there for me. I wanted no one but her because all my life she was the only one who told me the truth.

After all my tears were gone, Gemma took me to the diner. I didn't think I could stomach much of anything so I ordered soup and tea.

"I feel like death," I responded, my voice hoarse. I hadn't spoken much in the last few weeks. The tea was helping.

Gemma leaned forward and looked me in the eyes. "What happened, Rowan?"

"I just lost it."

"Why?"

I sighed. "I don't know…I guess I realized I'm not as strong as I think I am."

"Did he hurt you again?"

I shook my head. Rob hadn't laid a hand on me since before I ran off to Charming. He had been by my side much of the last few weeks, trying to get me to eat and drink and come to bed. But I couldn't do any of it because I didn't want to make him happy. I couldn't give him the satisfaction of him feeling as if he was making me better. Or that I was helping myself for him. I wanted him to feel nothing. I wanted Rob to know that I didn't belong to him and that my choices were not his.

"I think I've scared him too much. He hasn't done anything."

"You practically gave everyone a scare. No one has heard from you in weeks."

I shrugged. "It doesn't seem like that big of a deal. You're the first to come and see me."

"Everyone has tried to see you, Rowan. I just know how to threaten someone."

I looked at Gemma as our waitress walked up and placed two bowls of soup in front of us. What did she mean by that? Did I have visitors but Rob wasn't letting them see me?

"What?" I asked.

"I'm sorry but that fiancé of yours is a prick," she stated as she grabbed the pepper and put a dash in her soup. "No one could get in contact with you and Wayne heard that you were back in the hospital. Op and your old man went to go see you but Rob wouldn't allow it. He made a huge stink about it and Op and Piney were escorted off the premises. Tara tried to come and see you but Rob wouldn't let her inside. Even Wayne came out to see if you were okay. But Rob kept denying. Finally, after I saw my son losing himself in the thought of not knowing if you were well I decided to put it all in my hands. And believe me honey, anyone will do what you ask when you point a gun at them."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Had Gemma really pulled her gun out on Rob? What did she mean by Jax losing it? All of this was too much for my weak mind to handle.

"You are pretty convincing with a gun."

Gemma smirked at me. "You know it, darling."

I ate my soup slowly. It was hot and tasty. I had missed food. "I don't know what to do."

"I can take you back to Charming."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"We can keep you safe."

"I can't run away from my problems."

"But that's what you're good at." I glared at Gemma and she put her hands up in self-defense. "Alright, alright, that was a little rude. It's just…I was really fucking scared when I saw you this morning. You were a mess, Rowan. You did not look healthy and you probably won't look healthy again for another few weeks. Anyone could see that you were happy when you were in Charming. Do you see what this town is doing to you? What living with Rob is doing to you? You are a living dead girl."

"It's this case that's fucking me up. I can't think straight anymore."

"I am sorry about your friend."

"Yeah, me too," I said as I held back more tears. If I had known the last time I would speak to Detective Benson would be the night Piney made me dinner I would have told him everything I thought about him. Eric Benson was a friend. The only friend I ever truly had. I had met many people as a district attorney but Eric was the only one who ever treated me like his equal. He was supposed to have a long and fulfilling life ahead of him and now he didn't.

"I guess the best thing for you to do is to get better so you can put those assholes behind bars."

She was right. If Eric was my friend, why wasn't I doing anything to avenge his death? I was good at my job and with the right people I'd find who ever hurt me, Eric's wife, and caused Eric to self-inflict himself. It was time to grow up. It was time to help those who have always helped me.

* * *

"Well, Miss. Davenport, everything is looking great. How are you feeling?"

I pulled my shirt down and sat up from the table I was laying on in the doctor's office. All together it had been two and half months since my accident. I had gotten my stiches out only a week ago and I had a follow up checkup today to make sure everything was good. My scars were hideous and I was applying cream to them pretty much every hour on the hour. I didn't expect them to be pretty but seeing them in the light made me feel ugly. I still wasn't allowed back at work for another month but I was working with Jaclyn over the phone and once a week I went to Adelaide to get all the new details. But my doctor didn't know that…And neither did my own boss.

The good thing was I wasn't as depressed as I used to be…It still lingers but whenever I feel darkness creeping up on me I push it away as best I can. After Gemma came to visit me I went home that night and told Rob that I wanted to sell the house. He eventually agreed and we met with a real estate agent who was doing her very best to find a buyer. We just got an offer two days ago and we were praying that everything would work perfectly. I had found an apartment in Palisades and I had been staying there for a few weeks now. Rob was giving me my space like I asked him. He was staying at the house and after it sold he was going to find his own place. I gave him my ring and even though he was sad and I was sad too we both knew it was for the better. Part of the reason I was so depressed was because of him and I needed to focus on myself. It was the only way.

"I'm feeling great. Not as tired, and my body doesn't hurt all that much."

"What about the scar cream? Is that helping?"

"I seem to notice a difference, so I have no complaints."

Doctor Ross smiled at me before he closed my file. "I've gotta say, Rowan, you are quite the success story. You've healed wonderfully and you are back up and going only months after the incident. For some it's much longer. You're very lucky."

I couldn't stand talking about my success anymore when so many other people in my life had failed. "Thanks, Doctor Ross. I really am feeling great."

"Well it looks like I'll see you in another few weeks."

"See you then."

Doctor Ross left the room and I grabbed my things. I had only gotten the OK to drive a week ago and it was wonderful. My next stop, however, was not home. It took me a lot longer than I had hoped to get to Oakland. Traffic was terrible and I struggled to find a parking spot on the crowded street where Mr. Damon Pope had asked to meet me.

"Rowan, it's great to see you healthy."

I placed a smile on my face as I sat across from Pope in the restaurant of his choosing. It was fancy and not the ideal place to kill someone so I felt like I'd live to see tomorrow.

"Damon, it's nice to see you too."

He smiled back. "Let's cut to the chase. How are things going with my cousin?"

"Things are okay. It's hard for me to get anything done with me not working. It'll still take another few weeks before I can get anywhere."

"Rowan, you know I don't have time for that." He needed to have time for that. I was still figuring things out with SAMCRO and how they were going to protect themselves if Pope was after them.

"Have I let you down yet?" I asked. "I promise the only reason this isn't going through is because I don't have the same accesses that I do when I'm at work. It's only another month and I've spoken to a few of my colleagues in Stockton. They are keeping a safe watch on your cousin."

"I've putting a lot of faith in you Miss. Davenport."

I nodded. "I know. You just have to give me more time."

"Well I guess as I wait…It seems only fair that I get someone from SAMCRO."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I knew this was coming. "I don't know about that."

Pope smiled. "Not a fan of that idea?"

"Not entirely, no."

"Well I find it the only way that I can leave today happy. Of course, no one will ever know you were affiliated with this. We plan to get Trager. We promise to be quick. SAMCRO will barely have time to realize what happened."

"They'll retaliate…It'll only start a war."

His smirk was evil. "Maybe that's what I'm hoping for."


	16. Scars

**I would just like to thank everyone who has reviewed, followed and made this story a favorite. It means a lot to me that you are all so interested in seeing how Rowan's story plays out! Without further ado...  
**

* * *

"Oh I'm so glad you're here!"

I smiled at Tara before following her into the house. She practically pushed Abel into my arms before running down the hall and into her bedroom. I looked at Abel who smiled brightly. I winked at him and walked down the hall and into the bedroom. Tara was sitting on the bed, throwing the last bits of clothes into a big brown suitcase. She seemed flustered but I didn't exactly blame her. Today was a big day. In the next forty-eight hours Tara would find out whether or not she was getting the position at the children's hospital in Sacramento. She had told Jax she was going to a workshop. I'm sure she felt bad about lying but if she did she wasn't fazed by it.

"I need to ask you a huge favor," Tara said looking up at me. She grabbed a few things from the top of the dresser and shoved them into her purse.

"What's up?"

"Neeta can't exactly get here until tomorrow morning. She is caught up with her own children. I was hoping you would stay with Abel tonight. I'd pay you, of course."

"First of all, you do not have to pay me to watch this cute kid. Secondly, what about Jax?"

"A bunch of them left on a run. He isn't supposed to be home until tomorrow afternoon well after Neeta gets here. I would ask Gemma but you know how I feel about that. She doesn't even know I'm going to Sacramento and if she did she'd be over here in a heartbeat. I don't think Jax will tell her and if he does she likes you a lot more than she'll ever like me again."

I took a quick glance at the clock. It was almost three. I was in Charming to spend a few days with Piney and I figured he probably wouldn't care if I didn't come over until tomorrow.

"Sure, I'll watch him," I replied ruffling Abel's hair.

Tara looked relieved. "Are you sure? I don't want you to feel obligated."

I did feel obligated but I couldn't say it. "It's really fine, Tara."

"I know but with everything you're doing for me."

I waved her off. "It's not a burden to me. I said I would help you."

Tara leaned over and hugged me. "Thank you so much."

"Come on, you gotta hurry and get out of here."

Tara went over a few things with me, even leaving his car seat, before kissing and hugging Abel goodbye and by three-fifteen she was pulling out of the driveway. Abel stood next to me while we waved to her and she honked before continuing down the street. I looked down at Abel who stared up at me.

"Alright Abel, we can anything you want. What do you think?" I bent down so I was eye level with him.

"Let's color!" He shouted and ran off into the house with me lagging behind.

* * *

It was eight-thirty and I was exhausted. Abel was currently curled up next to me on the couch sound asleep. I would have put him in his bed but even I was too tired to get up. This three-year old knew how to wear someone out. We had colored for a mere five minutes before he asked if we could go to the park. I didn't object because it was a beautiful day out. So I got him all set up in my car and we drove to the park only fifteen minutes away. I was able to get more than five minutes of playtime out of him and by five o'clock he was hungry and so was I. I wasn't sure what Tara had at the house so we went to the food store where we picked up chicken nuggets, French fries and a carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream. While I cooked, I put my i-Pod into the stereo in the kitchen and we had a mini dance party while Abel sat at the kitchen table playing with his Legos. We ate and talked for a while and I learned all his favorite things and he asked me questions too and I realized how sad I was that one day I'd never have one of my own.

After dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen while Abel went into his room to get ready for bed. He came out in Thomas the Tank Engine pajamas and he picked a movie for us to watch. A little while later we ate some ice cream and minutes after he was passed out next to me. I picked up the remote and began flipping through the channels but before I knew it was dozing off too.

I woke up to the sound of the front door opening. I was terrified and with Abel still next to me I had no idea what to do. I didn't want to make any sudden movements and wake Abel up.

"Rowan, is that you?"

I sighed with relief as Jax came into view. He stared down at me, a fresh cut above his eye. I swallowed the lump in my throat. This was not supposed to happen.

"Hi," I mumbled.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm watching Abel for Tara."

"I can see that. She told me that Neeta was going to be here."

"Neeta called last minute and said one of her kids was sick. She was planning to come tomorrow morning. Tara asked if I'd watch him," I told him.

"Why didn't she call Gemma?"

"Does that really need an explanation?"

Jax sighed. "I guess not. You have fun with him?"

"He's a great kid."

"Here, let me take him to his room."

I gently maneuvered Abel closer to me giving Jax easier access to pick him up. Abel wrapped his arms around him and Jax placed his hand on his back, beginning to soothe him back to sleep. I sat up on the couch and placed my head in my hands. Since Jax was here it didn't make sense for me to stay any longer. I stood up and grabbed my purse from the kitchen table. I was pulling my keys out when I felt his presence.

I turned to look at him. It had been a while since I had last seen Jax. In recent weeks, however, we had spoken a lot over the phone. Mostly for SAMCRO business but we would find ourselves talking about the past or what we were doing and how we were feeling. It was innocent, really, but I still felt like I was betraying Tara and our friendship.

"You're not wearing your ring."

I looked down at my hand. It had felt odd giving Rob the ring back but my hand didn't feel bare. I never wore it anyway. This was the one thing we never spoke about.

"We separated. We're selling the house. I have an apartment now."

"Is that so?"

I took a deep breath. "Your cut. Let me clean it up for you before it gets infected."

Jax told me where the first aid kit was and I went to the bathroom to retrieve it. He was sitting at the table when I returned. I went to the sink first and wet a paper towel. I dabbed it on his cut all the while feeling his eyes on me. The butterflies began to form in the pit of my stomach. I tried to push them away but it wasn't working.

"How'd you get this?"

"How do you think?"

"Tara told me you were going on a run. Why are you home so early?"

"Is that any of your business?"

I had to smirk. "Nope, I guess not."

I threw the paper towel in the garbage and pulled out some antibiotic ointment. I knew Jax wouldn't wear a band aid so with a Q-tip I applied the ointment. When I was done I threw that away too. Jax smiled at me and I returned it before taking the seat across from him at the table. I knew I should leave but all of a sudden I didn't want to. I thought about Tara and I hoped that tomorrow would bring her good news. Jax still wasn't giving her the attention that she deserved and with every day that passed she was even more and more positive that this was something she had to do. The only real issue was whether or not Jax would grant her time with Abel. It was the tricky part to all of this. Yet deep down I knew he would let her see Abel. He loved Tara, whether or not it was as strong as it was years ago, he still loved her.

"I saw Damon Pope yesterday," I said breaking the silence.

"Did you?"

I nodded. "I told him what you guys told me to say. He denied all involvement with the White Riders which was typical. He also wants one of you in return for him waiting for his cousin to get out of Stockton."

"Shit…Who does he want?"

I glanced away. "Who do you think?"

"He wants Tig."

"He wants him as soon as possible. He seems pretty serious about it too. I had no idea what to say."

"It's okay. We'll handle it from here."

"Jax, Pope wants a war."

"We've kind of assumed that."

"I'll never forgive myself if one of you gets killed."

Jax grabbed my hand. "Rowan, none of this is your fault."

"Technically it is. I was playing dirty and I didn't give a shit. All I wanted was to figure out who put that gun in that boy's hand and I played dirty. I was willing to do anything and I made a deal with the biggest gangster in Oakland. I told him he could have all of you and that I didn't care and at the time I didn't but now I do. And he'll never stop."

"He might stop when he gets his cousin back. You can't go and blame yourself for everything. And you can't blame yourself if he does get Tig. Tig was the idiot for running down Pope's daughter and the Niners. We all have to pay the consequences sometimes."

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. "Sometimes I don't want to go back to work, or have anything to do with the case or any of this fucking shit. All it's brought me is sadness. I've lost friends, my relationship ended because of it…And I'll never ever have a child. At first I was okay with that but now…I realize I'm not."

"Ro…"

And then I lost it.

* * *

"Wow, your daddy really knows how to cook!"

Abel smiled as he shoved another piece of his chocolate chip pancake into his mouth. I looked up at Jax who was flipping another pancake. He smirked at me and I reached for my glass of orange juice.

"It's one of my many hidden talents," Jax stated as he turned around and put a plate in front of me. "For you."

I smiled at him and grabbed the syrup. I felt like shit, not physically but mentally. I was vulnerable last night and in my vulnerable state I allowed Jax to come on in and sweep me off my feet. At first when he walked around the table and took me in his arms I resisted. I didn't want to do anything that I'd regret but as his hold on me softened I just melted against him. And I cried and blabbered on and on about how I was destroyed over the fact that I would never have a child and that no man would ever want to be with me when they find out that I can't bear a child. And then I went on and on about how he probably didn't care and that I was losing my mind and that I wanted to leave and go home. But amongst all of that Jax started to kiss me and for some strange reason I just didn't stop him.

I stopped him when things began to get physical. It was enough for me to even be kissing Jax in his home that he shared with Tara. He asked me to stay the night and I did but he slept in his room while I took the couch. Yet I didn't get much sleep. I lied awake, staring up at the ceiling, and wondered where my life would take me. I wondered whether or not _I would_ find a man who accepted me for me. I wondered if I would ever see the Adelaide shooting in court. I wondered if I would ever feel like a decent human being again.

I woke up this morning to a little hand gently playing with my hair. Abel had been excited that I was still here and he ran off to wake up Jax. Jax suggested he cook, surprising even me, and sitting around the kitchen with him and his son felt very family like. And I didn't want to think that because this was Tara's family.

"Wow, these are actually pretty good."

Jax's jaw dropped slightly. "What? Did you think they wouldn't be?"

I put my hand up in defense. "Hold up Iron Chef, I'm just saying. You never cook, like ever."

"Daddy always makes me pancakes," Abel piped in.

"Exactly," Jax said pointing towards Abel. "He knows it. I always make pancakes. Every Sunday morning."

"But today isn't Sunday," I said.

Jax smirked. "It's a special occasion."

"Yeah, because Rowan is here!" Abel shouted and I laughed at him.

We spent a good twenty minutes sitting around the table all three of us talking about whatever Abel's heart desired. When we were done Jax cleaned up the kitchen and I went with Abel to his room to help him get ready for the day. I was putting on his shoes when Jax walked in.

"Wow, buddy, you look handsome."

"Rowan picked it out."

"She's got good taste. Hey, go wait in the living room. Neeta should be here soon."

"Sure daddy!"

Abel ran off and I looked up at Jax. "That kid is something special."

"I know. I'm lucky."

I nodded. "Yes you are."

"What are your plans today?"

"Gotta go see the old man. I blew him off to watch your kid."

"I'm sure he'll be at the clubhouse. We can leave together."

"Alright. Do you mind if I use your shower?"

"It's all yours."

I ran outside to retrieve my overnight bag and headed for the bathroom. I undressed while the water ran slowly steaming up the bathroom. I loved hot showers more than anything. I got in a few minutes later letting the water fall down my back. At first when I felt him behind me I began to panic. Then panic turned into lust and lust turned into love.

"I've been trying to avoid this."

It was hard to hear with the water but I knew he chuckled. "I've waited long enough."

I turned around and faced him. My heart stopped. Jax was sexy and I was so not. I immediately became self-conscious and I placed my hands on my stomach trying my hardest to cover my scars. He reached down and took my hands in his.

"Stop, you're beautiful." And as horrible as I felt I did what I wanted and figured I could worry about the consequences later.

* * *

I was sore…That much was obvious. My gynecologist had told me I would be when he gave me the OK to be sexually active again but at the time I had assumed no one would be having sex with me any time soon and by the time I did I wouldn't be sore. However, this came up on me pretty fast. Jax had tried to be slow and mindful to the fact that only ten weeks ago I had a major surgery "down there" but once he went going there was not much I could do. I didn't want to complain too much because it was absolutely amazing and exactly what I needed but man, did I hurt.

I was slipping on my shoes when I heard Jax knock on the door. I opened it and stared at him. He was wearing jeans, hanging low around his waist, a black sweatshirt and of course, his cut. However, I didn't need a law degree to see that something was up with Jax. He was probably regretting it. Fuck. He was thinking about Tara and feeling like shit and now so was I.

"You ready?"

"Two minutes," I replied as I quickly grabbed all my hair and began braiding it. "Where was Neeta taking Abel?"

"The library and then the park."

"He's definitely a park kid. He was all over the place yesterday," I responded as I secured my braid with a hair tie. "Alright, I'm good."

I followed Jax to the clubhouse in my car. I was happy to see Piney's bike in the TM parking lot. Jax waited for me at the entrance to the clubhouse and held the door open for me. I walked in and was surprised by the somber feel hanging around the room.

All at once it seemed as if all eyes were on me. I looked from Piney, to Op and eventually Jax. Now I was scared.

"Who the fuck died?"

"Rowan, we need to show you something."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I don't know if I want to see."

Opie was suddenly by my side. "Sis, you _need_ to see this."

I followed everyone into the chapel where Clay was sitting at the head. He looked up when I entered and even he seemed sad. I honestly couldn't begin to think of something that would make Clay feel bad for me.

"We've been doing some follow-ups," Clay began. "With the White Riders and whatnot."

I was beyond confused. "Okay?"

Clay sighed. "Unser was able to keep a tab on the SUV Marks and the others used the day we raided the house outside Oakland. We had completely forgotten about it with everything that happened with you and our issues with Damon Pope. However, we found out that they were still using it and we had Unser follow it yesterday to see what was going on. Now even you know the main issue for your case and even ours too is that no one has any idea who this Taylor Williams guy is."

I nodded. "Of course, did you guys get pictures?"

"Unser got a few."

"What the hell are you waiting for? This is great news. I can give them to Jaclyn and everyone in Adelaide. Even put the picture on the news." No one was sharing my excitement and now I was getting pissed. "Guys, what the fuck is going on?"

Clay looked at Chibs who reached into his jacket and pulled out a single picture. He held it for a second before placing it on the table and sliding it towards me. At first I thought I was seeing things and I had to blink a couple of times before it all became clear.

I picked it up with shaking hands, the room silent. Rob was Taylor Williams.

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN... **


End file.
